Our 20 Most Read Stories of 2013, the Complete List


We covered a lot of music ground in 2013. You loved all of it (especially if the word “douchiest” was in the title). But some stories were more read than others. Here now, our 20 most popular posts of the year. Thanks for reading, and see you next year!!

20. Where Have All of Diddy’s Bad Boys Gone? (To Prison, Mostly)

“It wasn’t until 2009 when Ma$e bounced back, citing Michael Jackson’s death as renewing his interest in recording, as he began contributing verses to hot R&B records.”

19. Eminem’s SNL Performance Was So Bad It Was Taken Off the Internet

“There was absolutely nothing about “Berzerk” that sounded remotely live, and it was so painfully obvious that Eminem was lip-syncing, or at the very least rapping over a backing track.”

18. Jay-Z’s Great Gatsby Soundtrack is a Failure

All this needs to be taken into account when evaluating the soundtrack for The Great Gatsby because, despite the quaint origin story of Jay and Lurhmann meeting in the room at the Mercer Hotel where Jay was recording “No Church in the Wild,” this soundtrack has not been advertised or talked about in terms of art, but sheer market power: the big names, the big event, the “executive produced by Jay-Z” of it all.”

17. Questlove Is the Hardest-Working Man in Showbiz, and He Is Lonely Enough to Prove It

“You know, after work, everyone hangs and they go to a bar and stuff?” says Thompson, sounding a bit like an anthropologist who has just pinpointed a key habit of a strange tribe. “I don’t socialize that way. I don’t have a posse. I don’t have friends. I got the people I work with. I got a mom and a sister.”

16. The Kanye You Once Loved Is Dead and Gone

“Ever since the rapper announced from the stage that the world’s most famous (and least talented) Armenian is now carrying his seed, everyone’s on Kimye baby alert. To tell the truth, I’m starting to think that all the attention being paid to this new development seems like a calculated distraction, something cute and shiny to flash in our faces so we don’t talk about the big problem with Kanye: his half-assed rapping these days.”

15. The Complete Guide to Understanding Lil B

“It’s safe to assume that Lil B has recorded more songs than most of us have thought
thoughts. ”

14. The Beats Pill Talks Lots of Shit in New Advertising Campaign

“Additionally, the complete silence of the red Pill and it’s degradation by the pink Pill as it tries to take an innocent selfie isn’t very nice, and I feel like it’s a personal attack on Instagram users.”

13. Six Punk Bands We Don’t Need To Talk About Anymore

“Social Distortion is just Good Charlotte for people who wear flames on their clothes.”

12. “OMG Her Face!”: America Reacts to Haim’s SNL Performance

“One of the most endearing qualities of Haim’s is that they’re not perfect, and it’s totally fine! So Danielle’s voice can get a little loopy when she’s singing in her lower register and she’s got some weird Cher/Patti Smith hybrid-thing going on when her tone delves into wonky territory.”

11. The Top 20 NYC Rap Albums of All Time

Best comment: “lacking artists outside of NY, bullshit”

10. The 10 Best Metal Albums of 2013

“Overall, metal in 2013 was remarkably healthy, with progenitors Black Sabbath topping the Billboard chart for the first time in their long career, and many hundreds of worthy heavy music albums fomented in dark depths of metal minds. All art is valid, even if it’s made by Monster Magnet in 2013. Let’s do this.”

9. The 10 Douchiest Drummers of All Time

“And while we worship plenty of drummers in modern music, there are some Gods of Thunder who might actually deserve to be struck by lightning. It’s only natural that having the biggest instrument in the band will lead to some smug attitudes, inflated egos and dumbass behavior.”

8. Alice Cooper Assesses Halloween Candy

“Last Halloween Alice Cooper was guest editor of this blog. We’ve just now gotten the blood out of the carpet. The smell of sulfur still remains. And though he left the place a wreck, afterward we went trick-or-treating with him through the Lower East Side. He murdered the first person unlucky enough to give him Candy Corn. This year, to avoid a similar mishap, we asked what Halloween candy won’t send Cooper into a blind rage.”

7. The Top 15 Things That Annoy the Crap Out of Your Local Sound Guy

“Imagine for a moment that your job’s sole requirement was to make live bands sound great every night. Pretty awesome right? Late nights, live music, and an endless supply of nightlife encapsulate a typical day at the office. Then after actually doing it for a few minutes you start to realize something: being a sound guy, even a good one, is typically the most thankless job in the entertainment industry.”

6. The Top 20 New York Hardcore and Metal Albums of All Time

“New York has a very rich history of strong contributions to heavy music. While the NYHC pioneers get worshipped (and justly so), New York often gets overlooked in discussions of other influential heavy music scenes. Our below choices for the Top 20 New York Hardcore and Metal Albums of All-Time will hopefully get those discussions going again, with New York getting the proper respect it deserves this time.”

See also: The Oral History of NYC’s Metal/Hardcore Crossover


5. Ten Metal Albums to Hear Before You Die

When it comes to metal, Jon Wiederhorn and Katherine Turman are–and we don’t use this word lightly–experts. They’re the authors of Louder Than Hell: The Definitive Oral History of Metal, the unbelievably thorough tome we excerpted on our cover last month. You could say they literally wrote the book on metal. So we locked the two in a room with a bottle of brown liquor and didn’t let them out until they’d ranked the ten most important/best metal records of all time–Ten Metal Albums to Hear Before You Die. Feel free to tell them they’re wrong.

4. #AskRKelly Backfires Mightily on Twitter

“Yesterday, in what turned out to be a (NO SHIT!?) dunderheaded PR move, the intellectual stalwarts running the R. Kelly Twitter account (remember, Kelly is illiterate) decided it would be a good idea to start a hashtag game called #AskRKelly. The results were as disastrous as you’d expect they might’ve been, with the added awful bonus no one asked for of CNN anchors laughing at tweets referencing statutory rape. We sifted through the rubble of the Twitter aftermath. It’s a shame Kelly can’t read these.”

3. Top 10 Douchiest Guitarists of All Time

“But when you’re a world-class guitar player and you know it, there’s a fine line between sexy and, well, douchey. You know, that rocker who poses on his knees for just a little too long, gives us just a little too much “O” face during every solo and is hell bent to show us all how many guitars he/she can play at once.”

2. The 10 Best Male Rappers of All Time

“Since the birth of hip-hop, male rappers have been bringing their unique viewpoint to the art of rhyme. Today, we’re shining some long overdue light on their important contributions to rap. We’re proud to present our list of the 10 finest male rappers, from the smoking-hot hardbodies to the true lyrical innovators.”

1. Read the “Stomach-Churning” Sexual Assault Accusations Against R. Kelly in Full

“The saddest fact I’ve learned is nobody matters less to our society than young black women. Nobody.”