Chris Christie stepped up to the podium today to express his sincere apologies to the people of New Jersey, and of Fort Lee, NJ in particular, who were affected by four days of lane closures on the George Washington Bridge in September. The traffic problem, it now appears, was manufactured as payback to the mayor of Fort Lee who declined to endorse Christie, and it was not only irritating and inconvenient, but also may have been responsible for killing a 91-year-old woman whose ambulance was delayed by the congestion.
Christie’s apology seemed to be going pretty well until he mentioned, in passing, that he first heard about the smoking gun emails implicating his deputy chief of staff, Bridget Kelly, on Wednesday after his “morning workout.”
That’s when everyone stopped listening and jumped on Twitter to make the same joke (see a selection of those jokes below).
The “Christie is fat” joke is easy. It’s so easy that the New York Daily News was able to fit no less than four fat jokes on its cover this morning (Headline: “Fat chance now, Chris;” deck: “Bridge scandal eats away at prez hopes;” teaser: “That wasn’t Chris Christie’s stomach growling Wednesday, it was his 2016 presidential push being devoured by scandal…”). But you know what else is easy? Bridge puns — except those are actually funny because they are relevant to the issue at hand.
Here are at least seven headlines funnier than today’s Daily News and Post headlines (and funnier than those “workout” tweets too):
— Clara Jeffery (@ClaraJeffery) January 9, 2014
Puns that would be better than the NYPost Christie bridge cover: A Bridge Too Car, Christie Over Trouble Waters, Lane In The Ass
— Ryan Broderick (@ryanpbroderick) January 9, 2014
And here are the “workout” jokes that popped up on Twitter immediately following Christie’s comment:
“I was done with my workout yesterday morning….” LET ME STOP YOU RIGHT THERE CHRIS CHRISTIE
— Ira III (@iramadisonave) January 9, 2014
Christie says he didn’t hear about the bridge scandal until after his “morning workout.” Well that’s it, I’ve heard enough lies.
— Tom Laurendi (@tommyboy3891) January 9, 2014
You know Chris Christie’s lying because he just said the words “when I was done with my workout.”
— Damon Hunzeker (@DamonHunzeker) January 9, 2014
Christie was believable until he referenced yesterday’s “workout.”
— Melissa Jacobs (@thefootballgirl) January 9, 2014
We’re trying really hard to be classy, but Chris Christie just mentioned his workout routine. Why is he doing this to us?!
— CC:Indecision (@indecision) January 9, 2014
I’m learning so much about New Jersey. For example, “shut down the lanes” means “screw a mayor” and “workout” means “triple order of bacon.”
— Harold Cook (@HCookAustin) January 9, 2014
Not sure what’s a bigger lie, that Christie was “blindsided” yesterday, or that it happened “right after his workout”
— Mike Conaty (@mikeconaty) January 9, 2014
I was believing Christie when was denying any knowledge of the emails. But then he claimed to work out, and now I don’t know what to think.
— Alex Raskin (@alexraskinNYC) January 9, 2014
Okay, we take it back, this one is actually really funny:
Chris Christie: he was “dumbfounded” after his “work-out” re Bridget Kelly & e-mails. He’s so fit, he can throw woman under a bus!
— kentucker (@kentucker) January 9, 2014