In these uncertain times, it’s natural for one’s thoughts to turn towards the inevitable nuclear war/pandemic/act of bioterrorism that will finally doom us as a species. Most of us will be wiped out, of course, and most of the ones who remain will be drooling, shuffling, hollow-eyed wraiths, subsisting only on the brains of the living. (No, not members of Congress. Although that’s also a good guess.)
The bad news, as Business Insider recently pointed out, is that New York ranks almost dead last on the list of states most likely to survive the zombie apocalypse. (We rank in at number 48, mercifully beating Jersey, who are at the absolute bottom.)
The worse news, we regret to inform you, is that the zombie apocalypse is already here.
That’s right: when you search for “zombie apocalypse” in Google Maps, you get: two haunted houses, one in Wichita, Kansas and one in Conley, Georgia, a zombie apocalypse supply store in Vegas, and a “training center” in Santa Barbara, which sounds about right. But only one place has the all-caps, no-bullshit ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE, and that place is Vinegar Hill, Brooklyn, on the corner of John and Hudson streets.
The view from the other side of the street is much, much worse:
“What the hell is that?” you ask, reaching for your sawed-off shotgun. It’s the Con Edison Hudson Avenue Generating Station, which was completed in the 1930s and was once the largest steam power-plant in the world. But oil- and steam-burning boiler plants are terrible for the environment, and much of the Hudson Avenue station was shut down in 2011, paving the way for a terrifying chase scene near the middle of your own personal horror movie.
You’ll notice that some joker has designated the Vinegar Hill zombiepocalypse (sorry) as a bar. That is no bar, friend. That is your certain doom.
Correction: An earlier version of this post incorrectly referred to the zombie-infested neighborhood as Red Hook. It is in fact Vinegar Hill. We regret the error, and any errant zombie attacks that may have occurred as a result. Stay safe out there.
Credit for this Google Maps discovery goes to friend of Runnin’ Scared and zombie preparedness expert Stephen Benavides.
This article from the Village Voice Archive was posted on April 10, 2014