Last week, we reminded you that Jay-Z once wrote an entire song for Bugs Bunny. Along with being the perfect way to close the immortal Space Jam soundtrack, it’s also one of the rare rap songs from someone who doesn’t exist. In a genre obsessed with “keeping it real,” there have been a handful of records that slipped through the cracks where the person rocking the mic isn’t real in the most literal sense of the word. From cats to bunnies to muppets, here’s the five most bizarre rap songs from fictional characters.
5) Parappa the Rapper
“All Masters Rap (Bathroom Rap)”
If you had a Playstation in the late ’90s, chances are you have fond memories with hip-hop pooch Parappa the Rapper. A video game rightfully praised for a creative concept and innovative gameplay, the admitted silliness of a talking dog spittin’ rhymes with a variety of rap masters allowed for quite a bit of leeway. While we’re by no means dissing Parappa (partially out of fear, as we suspect his Sony-Illuminati ties run deep), it is worth noting that the game’s climax consists of freestyle battling all the game’s bosses while waiting in line to use the bathroom. Remember this next time you hear someone pontificate about how popular video games affect children’s behavior.
4) The Thing
“It’s Clobbering Time”
For all the guff that modern superhero movies tend to get, at least we haven’t been treated to a random moment where a titan of justice just begins rapping. Ending an episode of the ’90s Fantastic Four animated series, a show already known for the weird “The Thing just loves to fight” lyric in its opening theme, was a sequence where The Thing raps. Claims online suggest “It’s Clobberin’ Time” features the rock-skinned one backed by beloved rock pranksters Green Jelly. Whether this scene would have helped the recent live action Fantastic Four films is surprisingly not a topic of heated debates in the comic communities.
3) Cookie Monster
The Jim Henson’s Children’s Television Workshop has a surprisingly deep number of hip-hop cuts in their crates. From Ferlinghetti Donizetti’s “Alphabet Rap” (which boasted a breakdancing Grover) to Elmo’s “Number 5 (No Jive)” to the rap breakdown in Baby Sinclair’s “I’m the Baby, Gotta Love Me,” muppets know how to get busy on the mic. The weirdest was Cookie Monster, at the height of the politically correct ’90s doing a song about the foods he enjoyed that weren’t cookies. “Healthy Food” features M.C. C.M. doing his best Run-DMC impression, accompanied by his “fry girls.” “Healthy Food” was remade in the 2000s as a duet between Cookie Monster and Wyclef Jean, making the track sound like it would fit perfectly somewhere on The Ecleftic.
2) Rappin’ Rabbit
“Be A Good Sport”
With the aforementioned Bugs Bunny jumpoff “Ya Buggin'” being the jam, you would expect rabbits to be the best fictional characters at rapping. Well, you would be right. The seminal Rappin’ Rabbit’s Christian Habits tape is probably most known for “Every Friend of Jesus is a Friend of Mine,” mainstay of multiple “Worst Songs of All Time” lists. Yet, we opted for “Be A Good Sport” because it’s actually kind of dope. Over a catchy melody that sounds eerily close to Mariah Carey’s “Always Be My Baby,” Rappin’ Rabbit gives some good advice for kids who may come up short on the playing field.
1) MC Skat Kat
In 1989, Paula Abdul had a monster hit with the infectious “Opposites Attract,” a song that co-starred an animated rapping cat because… well, the ’80s. The song, about how Abdul was having an intimate relationship with a cartoon feline, proved to be so successful Virgin Records had MC Skat Kat make an entire album because… well, ’90s. Surprisingly not for kids, this swearing innuendo-heavy cartoon cat at least got Paula to show up in the video for his debut solo single “Skat Strut.” We named it the most bizarre because, frankly, we have no idea who this is supposed to appeal to, except for maybe hip-hop’s ever emerging animated cat market.