Now that Coldplay is on the major promotional circuit to drum up interest for Ghost Stories, the single premieres and media appearances have put some serious distance between Chris Martin and his goopy separation. Martin succeeded in making Gwyneth a conversation topic of the past by donning a ponytail wig and offering up a weird, broody cameo in a sketch that had him kissing Andrew Garfield like he’s never been kissed before on Saturday Night Live.
… And that’s where the compliments for Martin and Co. end. Even if that moment of face-sucking was great in its own awkward way, this SNL performance? It was baaaaaaad.
Like The National, Coldplay is one of those crazy polarizing bands that pits friends and lovers against each other. You’ve either sobbed along to “The Scientist” and fist-pumped your way through “Viva La Vida,” or you’ve rolled your eyes so hard they almost got stuck in the back of your head when you heard “Yellow” for the zillionth time. The Radio 1 treatment of “Oceans” was promising and perfectly mellow, but the intensity and ability exhibited by the band just a few weeks ago seemed to have disappeared before they made their way to the SNL studio. The elaborate set and gorgeous mural Coldplay brought with them was more interesting than this rendition of “Magic,” and Martin’s need to wear his acoustic guitar like a backpack for half the song was distracting, to say the least, especially considering he strummed it for only a mere fraction of time. Coldplay’s typically great when it comes to working with dynamics and smooth transitions between shouts and whispers, but “Magic” just sounded like a lazy, tired shell of a song that’s much stronger on the record.
“A Sky Full Of Stars” was a bit more engaging, and then they had to go and PIPE IN AN ACOUSTIC GUITAR instead of actually playing the damn thing! So what if Avicii didn’t make a cameo during this performance of their collaboration; there’s nothing the DJ could’ve done to save Coldplay from a completely anticlimactic take on the song that was only made watchable after Martin started flailing around like the kid in kindergarten who had way too much sugar before nap time. THIS AIN’T BONNAROO, BUDDY. “A Sky Full Of Stars” is “Babylon“-level cheese, but Martin suddenly forgetting how his limbs work was entertaining enough to keep us from changing the channel.
Still, plenty of people–including some of the most adored singers in the game–found Coldplay’s SNL set to be just delightful, so let’s dive headfirst into the peanut gallery of the internet.
Apparently Paramore’s Hayley Williams can’t get over all her butterflies when it comes to Martin. (Had to. Sorry.)
Love how Coldplay always have the full vibe laid out for every album. The production, the songs, everything is always so cohesive. #SNL
— hayley from Paramore (@yelyahwilliams) May 4, 2014
Approximately 912 “consciously uncoupling” jabs were thrown, so here’s one of them.
I wish Chris Martin would consciously uncouple with music.
— d. patrick rodgers (@dpatrickrodgers) May 4, 2014
Some were enamored with Martin’s newfound agility.
I really don’t know how to feel about Chris Martin’s new crotch explosion dance move. Ok… Yes i do. Completely jealous. #snl
— Paul Meany (@paulmeany) May 4, 2014
That’s a good shirt idea, “I dance like Chris Martin” and then have like shadows of his dance moves on the shirt #snl
— Jackie Benhayon (@jackiebenhayon) May 4, 2014
Chris Martin’s ‘dancing’ in Coldplay’s2nd perf. on #SNL was like watching a painfully-awkward-kid-on-ecstasy-at-prom type scenario play out.
— Erica Kean (@durksownds) May 4, 2014
Others were not.
If you fast forward through coldplay’s performance on SNL last night it looks like a kid having a tantrum.
— burton guster. (@Breakfast_Soup) May 4, 2014
SNL’s stage setup for this Coldplay set is beautiful and the band sounds great and then there’s fucking Chris Martin dancing like an idiot
— Mad Baron Graff (@OldManGraff) May 4, 2014
ANDREW GARFIELD AND COLDPLAY ARE ON SNL MY TWO FAV WHITE PPL THINGS
— ♡ lil’ bike (@tabbyroni) May 4, 2014
If the problem persists you should probably consult a physician.
Whenever Coldplay performs on SNL it takes me at least 48 hours to recover emotionally
— Karol World Peace (@carolinegriz) May 4, 2014
… and if the problem persists you should probably consult a physician.
Not gunna lie. Coldplay’s SNL performance was orgasmic.
— deannalicious (@AnnaSoRandoms) May 4, 2014
Had a good night, tonight, watched Coldplay on SNL. Missing my cats a lot lately, hopefully they are ok. Wherever they are. I miss them.
— dale d (@DRYanDIV) May 4, 2014
IDK TECHNOLOGY IS WEIRD
The Coldplay piano is actually playing with no one sitting in front of it. As in you can see the hammers moving. WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?! #SNL
— Ella (@bellasophiagirl) May 4, 2014