The Approved 4th of July Playlist for Real Americans

This 4th of July weekend, when you’re throwing your dogs and your burgs and your watermelons and your corns and your sausages and your Budweisers on the grill, someone at some point is going to pop some tunes on the old jambox to really get the Que cranked to 11. But, given the importance of the weekend to anyone who cares about true independence, only certain artists are appropriate to play. Here now is the approved 4th of July playlist for real Americans. Play anything else and risk deportation.

Anything by Creedence
Duh

Anything by Fogerty
Duh

Anything Bruce
Except “Born in the USA,” duh.

Anything Bon Jovi
Duh

Bon Iver
Only after everyone’s had their fifth plate of Que and is reaaal tired.

John Bonham
Only his drum solo on “Moby Dick”

Bon Scott-era AC/DC
But only the Bonfire box set.

Anything by Thin Lizzy
Duh.

Avicii
Only “Hey Brother” duh.

Everyone on This List
Duh.

No One on This List
Duh.

Or This One
Duh.

And Especially Not This One
Duh.

Yellow Tears
Duh.

Hank
Jr., not Sr. And no III. Duh.

Van Halen
But no Van Hagar until you’ve had at least four strong Cabo Wabo margs, duh.

Anything you can think of with the word “America” in it, duh…

VIOLENT FEMMES
AMERICAN MUSIC

NEIL DIAMOND
COMING TO AMERICA

BIKINI KILL
REJECT ALL AMERICAN

ANIMANIACS
THE PRESIDENTS OF THE UNITED STATES

MELT BANANA
SURFIN’ USA

BLONDIE
FRENCH KISSING IN THE USA

RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE
AMERICAN EYES

BLUR
LOOK INSIDE AMERICA

NIRVANA
FOURTH OF JULY

MC5
BACK IN THE USA

2 LIVE CREW
BANNED IN THE USA

MISFITS
AMERICAN PSYCHO

KIM WILDE
KIDS IN AMERICA

JAMES BROWN
LIVING IN AMERICA

GALAXIE 500
FOURTH OF JULY

JOHN COUGAR MELLANCAMP
R.O.C.K. IN THE USA

TOM PETTY
AMERICAN GIRL

LIAM LYNCH
UNITED STATES OF WHATEVER

JIMMY BUFFET
AMERICAN PIE

SCHOOL HOUSE ROCK
FIFTY NIFTY UNITED STATES

That’s it. That’s all you can play.

HAPPY 4TH!

Sorry, But Kanye Is the GOAT
The 50 Most NYC Albums Ever
NYC’s Top 10 Rising Female-Fronted Bands