Don’t Make Eye Contact With Doug Stanhope

Doug Stanhope has made a successful career for himself telling it like it is. And while some people may think he does so a bit too harshly, or dwell on his bad habits, even more would people would agree that he is habitually hilarious. You’ll get your chance to be entertained by this comedic ringmaster when he hits the Highline Ballroom August 15th through 17th. And since he’s coming into town, we couldn’t wait to talk to him to see what’s up in his insane life these days.

See also: Top 10 Stand-Up Comedy Specials of 2013

I know you were a little late to the podcast game but yours is so successful. Are you still having fun doing it?
Oh yeah! I didn’t bother putting one out this week because I just did a whole podcasting and Howard Stern run. I just did A. J. Hawk’s podcast, he’s a linebacker for the Packers! A Packers linebacker has his own podcast! [Laughs.]

At this point I’m shocked my grandma doesn’t have a podcast.
I know! I just did his, Bill Burr’s, Bert Kreischer’s, I did Rogan, and Bret Easton Ellis. Then I flew to Hawaii and then I found Roseanne Barr on Twitter and asked her if she’d day drink with us if we flew over to the big island. So we spent the day drinking with Roseanne and then went back and drank with Eddie Ifft after Roseanne Barr. I just remember rushing the stage because I didn’t want to let him pull his balls out all by himself. [Laughs.]

Oh shit! I totally saw that picture on Twitter! Nice sack.
[Laughs.] I didn’t even remember that! I’m telling you this while trying to remember where I’ve been. We went back to Honolulu and, the next morning, we had to check out but our flight wasn’t until eight at night so we had to day drink all day with our bags. [Laughs.] Our flight was a non-stop from Honolulu to Newark so it was 10 hours of free drinks!

Ha. OK that is out of control. So being that you are a wild animal of a guy, I always wonder why TMZ doesn’t follow you around.
Because I’m not famous! Really, I’m not! I’m not TMZ famous! They’d have to explain what “The Man Show” was and then say, I’m not even those guys! I remember threatening a TMZ guy on the street. He was just asking me for a comment when he was out there trying to get Ron White or some comic after we left the Improv on Melrose. He was like, “Hey Doug Stanhope! What are you gonna say tonight?” I was drunk and I just went on this psychological, pathological, psychopathic thing about how I would kill him and how I’d watch him die. [Laughs.] I don’t even know — it was a graphic and detailed breakdown about how I would fucking murder him and never feel any remorse. [Laughs.]

Oh my god, that is so twisted and yet still so funny because it’s coming from you. How did he react?
He actually apologized and put the camera down.

That’s hysterical because I guess he really didn’t know you. I mean I don’t want to blow your cover, but you’re very sweet and not scary at all. Maybe you have a stigma because, come on, you are kind of bat shit.
[Laughs.] I didn’t even say it threatening or even say it loudly! I just went into how I could kill him in such detail and the fact that it would never bother me and that I would never think it was the wrong thing to do. I’m sure that footage is somewhere in file, too so if I ever get busted on some awkward charges that interview will air! [Laughs.]

I love that story! I think it’s insanely funny/frightening that you ask people to mail you and [girlfriend Amy] Bingo [Bingaman] stuff to your address. What’s the weirdest shit you’ve received?
The one I always remember is when some guy took the phone off of the desk of the guy who sat next to him at work because he hated him. He just took his phone and sent it to us and I thought that was just beautifully funny. Like, who the fuck would just take a phone from an office? [Laughs.] Then some guy who quit his job at UPS sent his UPS scanner that he used to pay for the package that he shipped it in…that he was stealing! That was a funny one too. We haven’t gotten anything like a severed head but we have gotten a lot of really cool shit. Some guy sent us Omaha Steaks, we get crazy amounts of alcohol, books, DVDs, and artwork. We get a lot of art that people have painted or drawn. Stanhope and Bingo appropriate art.

Not too shabby. I noticed that you’ve added a bunch of one night dates, are you working on some new stuff?
I guess you’re always on a new special. There is no date for a new special though. I just keep talking until an hour gets ironed. There’s no such thing as a tour or album really because you’re just telling jokes and at some point you just go, I gotta fucking print these and sell them because I’m tired of saying them.

Well we’re glad you’re coming into town…especially if you’ll be whipping out your ball sack.
[Laughs.] Tell everyone I don’t really want people at these shows so if they do come, be really quiet. Don’t make any eye contact.

Catch Doug Stanhope at the Highline Ballroom on August 15th through 17th.

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