Septic Man loves vomit above all other bodily fluids (though it loves those, too) — fitting, considering its generally putrid quality.
With a premise that recalls The Toxic Avenger but without an ounce of its smart superhero action or satire, Jesse Thomas Cook’s film follows septic expert Jack (Jason David Brown) as he’s paid by a mystery man (Julian Richings) to investigate his town’s horrid contaminated-water crisis.
As citizens evacuate, including Jack’s pregnant wife (Molly Dunsworth), Jack goes to the local irrigation facility, falls in a hole, and finds that the problem is being caused by dead bodies that were dumped into the water system by chainsaw-wielding psycho Lord Auch (Tim Burd), who speaks in animalistic chirps and has his teeth sharpened on a machete by his French goliath brother (Robert Maillet).
Such nonsense is mined for absolutely no terror, as Jack spends the majority of the film alone, mutating into a monster, drinking dead rats’ blood, and screaming about absolutely nothing of consequence. Just as dispiriting as its lack of scares (or sense of humor) is Septic Man’s lack of purpose — devoid of any commentary, the film pointlessly wallows around in the muck, thereby making itself as valuable as those nasty things routinely flushed down the toilet.