Film

Swearnet: The Movie Brags About Its Profanity but Still Sucks

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To say that Canadian comedy hits rock bottom in this abhorrent meta-infomercial for a Funny or Die-like network boasting uncensored online content is the politest way to describe two ugly hours of smug, doughy misogynists saying “fuck” some 935 record-breaking times.

(As shocking as and less funny than a novelty hand buzzer, Swearnet also tallies 76 “shits” and 79 “cocks,” according to its marketing material.) Unlike the perpetually wasted Nova Scotia dirtbags they play in the mockumentary franchise Trailer Park Boys, bafflingly successful stars and co-writers Robb Wells, John Paul Tremblay, and Mike Smith here portray ego-fueled fantasy caricatures of their real selves.

They’re tired of signing so many autographs, the women in their lives are either subservient bimbos or emasculating shrews, and the (barely) inciting event is a feud with Canadian National Television over decency standards. The boys start a website and torment their masked mascot, a drunk called Swearman who sings “swear-aoke” and haplessly ends up naked and dick-squashed against the Jumbotron camera lens at a hockey game.

Saddest of all, Tom Green, Carrot Top, and rocker Sebastian Bach phone in their slumming cameos for — to use the fitting vernacular — the most excruciating piece of shit I’ve seen all fucking year.

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