We Offended a Club Owner’s Girlfriend — What Now?


Are you a musician? Is your group having issues? Ask Fan Landers! Critic Jessica Hopper has played in and managed bands, toured internationally, booked shows, produced records, worked as a publicist, and is the author of The Girls’ Guide to Rocking, a how-to for teen ladies. She is here to help you stop doing it wrong. Send your problems to her — confidentiality is assured, unless you want to use your drama as a ticket to internet microfame.

Dear Fan,

Last week we were playing a major venue in our hometown where we have just started playing in the last few months. The girlfriend of the guy who owns the venue was hanging out backstage and she was just wasted, bickering with people, making a bit of a scene. She misunderstood what our singer said as he was trying to politely get her out of our dressing room so he could change, and totally freaked out, called him a “rude asshole” and saying we would never play the club again. She has a rep for being a diva. I don’t even know if she was sober enough to remember our band name, but I’m worried. Staff of the club were around but the owner wasn’t. What do we do? Apologize? Ignore what happened? Call the owner and offer our side of it? We want to keep playing there.


Dear Greg,
When someone is a lousy, loudmouth drunk like this lady, it is never a secret. My guess is he knows damn well how she behaves and takes it with a grain of salt — that might even be why he wasn’t around. I imagine that kind of situation is pretty embarrassing. It’s doubtful the club’s employees are going to rat you out — no one wants to get in the middle of shit like that.

Try to imagine what calling him would look like. You are either a) calling his GF a drunk, b) making a fool out of yourself by apologizing for something you didn’t actually do, or c) probably giving him information he doesn’t know or doesn’t need to know. Everyone will feel awkward, and there is not much to be gained. If he does know what’s up and is siding with her, is an apology going to change anything? Who is to say? Chill for a week or three and see if you get a call about future shows at the club, and if not, try to book something or hop on a bill just to see if that’s possible. Nothing is lost by giving it a little time for people to forget or cool off, if someone is offended. Don’t preempt things, it just stands to make everyone feel weird.

Good luck,