Equality

Harlem Pastor Insists Starbucks is Spiking Lattes With Sodomite Semen

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Red cup season is upon us once again and with it, hark! A raving homophobe. Anti-gay Harlem pastor James David Manning, he of “Obama has released the homo demons on the black man” notoriety, is back and he brings urgent news about your Gingerbread and Eggnog Lattes. Starbucks, he says, has spiked them not with rum (as per tradition) but semen. Not any old semen, either–the semen of Sodomites!

See also: Harlem Pastor James David Manning Very Upset About Obama-Controlled “Homo Demons”

“Starbucks is a place where these types [Sodomites] frequent and a lot of body fluids are exchanged there, and Ebola,” Manning said in a video posted on Atlah Worldwide Missionary Church’s YouTube page on Wednesday. “What Starbucks was doing was taking specimens of male’s semen, and putting it in the blends of their latte. Now this is the absolute truth.” (No, its not.)

“My suspicion is that they are getting this semen from sodomites,” Manning continues. “My suspicion is that semen, like cord blood, has the opportunity and its has millions and millions of little zygotes in it, and it flavors up the coffee, and it makes you think you’re having a good time drinking that cup of latte with the semen in it.”

Watch the video, if only to to hear Manning’s peculiar pronunciation of latte:

Now, I know what you’re thinking. Isn’t it unlikely, considering archeologists have never been able to find any evidence that the biblical city of Sodom even existed, that the thing they would find confirming it would be semen, and enough semen that the people in charge of Starbucks’ supply chain could reasonably conclude it would be enough to flavor their signature drinks? How many Sodomites does it take to produce the amount of semen needed to flavor the number of lattes sold at more than 20,000 Starbucks locations around the country? Aren’t there laws against the sale of rare antiquities of this nature? Does semen, even biblical semen, technically qualify as an antiquity? So many questions!

See also: Harlem Church Puts Up Yet Another Homophobic Sign

Just one disappointing answer, unfortunately: Manning doesn’t mean Sodomite like a resident of Sodom, he’s means it as an all-purpose label for anyone who doesn’t subscribe to his particular belief system, a group of people that, as we’ve previously discussed, includes but is not limited to: homosexuals, members of both major political parties, the Tea Party, Glenn Beck, Congress, Jay-Z, Cornel West, Congressman Charlie Rangel, and basically everyone else, but especially black celebrities and cultural leaders. Add to that list the Ebola patient Dr. Craig Spencer, and Starbucks.

Manning’s beef with Starbucks apparently began last week, when he called the coffee chain a meeting place for “upscale sodomites.” After that, protestors showed up outside his church to offer free coffee to passers-by. Hence this latest screed.

But don’t worry–not only is there not real Sodomite semen in your Starbucks, there is not semen at all. The article that Manning cites in his video says as much, even though he claims the opposite.

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