Just like special, sensibly dressed, guilt-inducing snowflakes, no two mothers are alike. Some might have snuck you a beer at Aunt Linda’s wedding and bought you your first Motörhead album. Others ferried you from unwanted extracurricular to unwanted extracurricular after kicking corporate ass all day (probably in a set of impressive shoulder pads). Whichever kind you have, there was something for everyone at this past weekend’s “Zine Friends” event at Williamsburg’s Cotton Candy Machine art space. Skip the last-minute 1-800-Flowers in favor of something a little more interesting for Mother’s Day.
Warning: If your office takes issue with cartoon genitalia, you may want to file this under NSFW and read it on your couch tonight.
For the mom with a “Mom” tattoo
Tats, by David M. Cook a/k/a Bonethrower, $10
This tattoo-themed zine is filled with incredible sex, drugs, and death-themed flash — you know, typical mom stuff. Instead of getting those matching “breathe” tattoos on your inner wrists, maybe you and your mom should consider a delicate bag of crack rocks and accompanying glass stem. She lifts you to new heights and you light up her life, so it’s pretty much as sentimental as it gets. Available at Cotton Candy Machine, 235 South 1st Street, Brooklyn; prints available here.
For the mom who keeps reminding you that you destroyed her body
420 in Wizard Land, by Wizard Skull, $5
This tri-breasted Alice also works if your mom is super into Total Recall and/or mild hallucinogens. Find similar work, including the artist’s iconic french-fry-pubed Ronald McDonald, here.
For the mom who was never around
Taints & Sinners Ghost Mom Action Toy, by Matt Crabe, $15
This fully articulated ghost gal is poised with her ghoulish shroud hiked well over her knees in “wreckless birthing action” and clutching what looks to be a 40 of Olde English. Give Mom a heartfelt and touching reminder of the moment she brought you into the world with this fun-packed action toy. It will also look lovely on her Christmas tree. Available here.
For the mom who gave you your moneymaker
Butt Club Pin by Penelope Meatloaf, $10
If you owe your best assets to your mama, look no further than this flawless Mother’s Day gift (don’t forget to buy one for yourself as well). This is just one of many ass-related gifts available from Penelope Meatloaf (you may also want to check out her excellent selection of Dolly Parton–themed options).
For the mom who raised you during the Nineties
Mom Jeans by Killer Acid, $10
What mom wouldn’t love this illustrated ode to the slacks that SNL once called the jeans that announce to the world that “you’re not a woman anymore. You’re a mom.” Although the denim diapers may now be the favored look of cool Brooklyn ladies, your mom wore it first. Buy it here.
For the mom who popped a Xanax after packing your lunch
Lunch Special Pin Pack by Caca Pasa, $20
Featuring a sandwich, a can of Coke, and a bottle of unidentified prescription drugs, this ceramic pin pack is pretty much everything a mom needed to make it through Monday. These would look great on the vest your mom almost definitely paired with her mom jeans in 1997. For sale alerts, follow Caca Pasa on Instagram.
For the mom who juggled raising you with a full-time job
Commuter by Kris Mukai, $8
Frankly, this would make a great gift for anyone who has endured the indignities of the mid-July subway, but if your mom dealt with the pre-Giuliani MTA to keep you clothed and fed, she deserves more than just some nonsense tulips. You can tell her about the super-nasty guy who ate a sandwich next to you once on the sparkling-clean 6 train. And she can wax nostalgic about stepping over a fresh corpse on the A platform back in ’88. Find it here.
For the mom who didn’t let you watch The Simpsons
Homer With Bart Boner by Wizard Skull, $5
Pink Bart by Wizard Skull, $20
In case you missed the memo, Bart art (Baart?) is pretty big right now, and these were the artists leading the zeitgeist. Edgier moms might enjoy Wizard Skull’s print of Homer choking Bart, while more traditional types might prefer his Pink Bart (featuring Marge’s necklace).
For your terrible estranged mom
Fuck You Very Much Sticker by Tuesday Bassen, $4
Just because your mother sucks doesn’t mean she should be left out of the Mother’s Day fun. Pop this heartfelt sticker by Killer Acid in with your latest therapy bill and a tear-drenched photo from your childhood. Visit their Web store here.