New York City rents remain sky-high, and a glut of luxury rentals has done nothing to alleviate the pain that those on the lower end of the cash spectrum are facing. But what if you could live somewhere cool, somewhere in Manhattan, where you’d never have to empty your closets for spring cleaning ever again (because your apartment itself would be an actual closet)?
In a now-deleted Craigslist ad, a broker posted a “a very small dorm room style studio apartment” in Morningside Heights. On further inspection of the ad, it appears that the “room” was actually a “closet.”
“There are two small bathrooms shared by the floor,” the ad states. “The bathrooms are down the hall. 4 people share the two bathrooms. No kitchen.” Closets don’t usually have kitchens, so that makes sense.
It goes on: “This unit is for 1 person to live in only.” Or, if they were being more accurate, no people. Because it is a closet.
Will I be safe in my closet? According to this broker, yes. “The area is very safe and gentrifying rapidly. The apartment is 1 block from a Starbucks and 1 block from a large upscale grocery store.”
As opposed to most closets, however, this closet has a window. Very rare for closets! But will the sounds of happy, non-closet-dwelling people outside my home (which is actually a closet) keep me up all night?
No, reassures the broker, it won’t. “It is also very quiet as it is not on the street side. The view is of trees.” It’s like having your own place (closet) in the woods.
Is it really a closet, though? “It is the size of a small dorm room,” reiterates the broker. Hmmmm.
The building is owned by John P. Lasala, whose mortgage is being financed by an investment firm that claims to create “Extraordinary Residential Properties.” (Like closets?)
The closet costs $750 a month, but that includes all utilities! Except remember: You don’t have closet space (because you already live in a closet) and you share a bathroom with four other people. And you have no kitchen.
“Thank you and good luck,” concludes the post.
This article from the Village Voice Archive was posted on April 18, 2017