Following this logic, we at the Voice have come to the conclusion that the only way to get our governor to use the considerable power he wields to meaningfully improve public transportation is to entice him to put his own specific spin on the century-old system. If we build it, he will come.
Realistic Harley engine–revving noises when the trains leave the station.
Tunnel ceilings raised on 2/3 train tunnels, and a boardwalk installed on top of cars so tourists can train-surf in style.
Hologram walls in the pedestrian tunnels show Cuomo, Steve Buscemi, Harvey Keitel, and Tim Roth in full Reservoir Dogs getup slo-mo walking down the corridor along with commuters, telling upstate House Republicans to “watch out.”
Beer allowed back on LIRR, but only Genesee.
“Our subways should be monitored by drones — but not just any drones, New York drones.”
No one over six foot four is allowed to ride the subways. Also, the mayor of New York is prohibited from riding. Or anyone named Bill. Or de Blasio. No Bill de Blasios allowed. Ever.
Before Roe, terminating a pregnancy meant confronting a nightmare of quacks and butchers, knitting needles and wire coat hangers. The exceptions were people like Dr. X, “the stars of the underground abortion circuit.”