It’s September and TV is back, so praise the lord and pass the Postmates app, because I’m trying not to leave my apartment unless it’s to protest Donald Trump. It’s just TV, protest Trump, and repeat. Happy fall!
American Horror Story: Cult (FX), Sept. 5
This season of Ryan Murphy’s cult favorite is all about politics and features a woman who loses her mind when Trump is elected. I gotta say, I haven’t been that into the other seasons of this show, but there’s something about Sarah Paulson going batshit on election night that speaks to me on a primal level. TV really is a mirror.
The Deuce (HBO), Sept. 10
The latest from The Wire’s David Simon and his frequent collaborator, novelist George Pelecanos, is about NYC’s porn industry in the late Seventies. It stars James Franco as twins and Maggie Gyllenhaal as a sex worker with a dream and is directed by Breaking Bad’s Michelle MacLaren.
It’ll probably have enough HBO-signature drama-and-tits to keep everyone calm until the next carbon-copy show premieres. Can’t wait for my Ira Glass–looking cousin to tell me how great it is. Oh, well, maybe this one will have some full-frontal dingdong. A girl can dream.
Top of the Lake: China Girl (Sundance), Sept. 10
Jane Campion’s Top of the Lake miniseries returns for its second season with a dumb name and a great cast, including returning fave Elisabeth Moss, along with a nearly unrecognizable Nicole Kidman (that busted wig!) and Game of Thrones’ Gwendoline Christie. The show moves from rural New Zealand to bustling Sydney, where our intrepid/damaged detective has to solve the case of a dead girl who washes ashore in a suitcase. Shivers. (All six episodes run on three consecutive nights.)
Broad City (Comedy Central), Sept. 13
BROAD CITY IS BACK, AND THAT CALLS FOR ALL CAPS. This show always delivers and has never had a bad season, and if you disagree, you are wrong and bad. And honestly, the guest list on the fourth season is insane — Steve Buscemi, RuPaul, Wanda Sykes, Shania Twain (!!!) — so even if it’s a total mess, it’ll still be better than everything else on TV.
American Vandal (Netflix), Sept. 15
True crime jumps the shark with this satire about a high school senior accused of drawing dicks all over the school. It sounds like an SNL sketch stretched into an eight-episode series, so most people will probably think it’s terrible, but there will probably be a few folks who love it so much they want to marry it. I will probably be in the latter category, as dumb shit is the best.
Star Trek: Discovery (CBS All Access), Sept. 24
It’s a new Star Trek!!! Set almost a decade before the original series, the show will focus on the ship’s first officer, played by The Walking Dead’s phenomenal Sonequa Martin-Green. The rest of the cast is stellar as well — Maulik Pancholy, Michelle Yeoh, Jason Isaacs, Doug Jones, Rekha Sharma, Rainn Wilson, and Mary Wiseman. So that’s all exciting news. The not-so-exciting news? It’ll debut on regular CBS and then become an exclusive of their CBS All Access streaming service. CBS is wagering we’ll all be so psyched to see a new Star Trek that we’ll pay $5.99 a month for it. Or, um, get the free seven-day trial and binge the whole thing in a week. Who’s to say?!
Law & Order True Crime: The Menendez Murders (NBC), Sept. 26
King Dick Wolf wants to get in on that People vs. O.J. Simpson true-crime series mon-nay$$$! I don’t blame him; I do, too. I just lack the talent and resources. Oh, well! This eight-episode series dives into the trial of brothers Lyle and Erik Menendez who — spoiler alert! — murdered their rich parents and then lived like playboy kings until one of them confessed. I am only somewhat ashamed to say that I will set up my rabbit ears to watch this live when it airs. What? Dick Wolf knows his business, and his business is MAKING ME HAPPY.
Rosehaven (Sundance), Sept. 27
This Australian comedy series about two friends who move to a small Tasmanian town filled with weirdos will quite possibly be great, but it’s hard to tell from the trailers, which are about as confusing as a Mad Men teaser. All snippets of dialogue mishmashed together to create a Frankenstein monster devoid of personality or jokes. That said, it already aired to good reviews Down Under, and Aussies are very hilarious and strange people, so I still have high hopes.
Will & Grace (NBC), Sept. 28
She’s baaaaaack! Although the original W&G (as us super-fans call it) went off the air in 2006, Karen (and the rest of them, whatever) are returning with just enough time for me to rebuild my Megan Mullally shrine. I am obviously thrilled about this, but also nervous, because while this show was groundbreaking at the time, it could feel dated now if they don’t modern it up — although I have to believe in the creative team behind this show and trust they know better than I and that they will deliver unto me a season of perfect Karen perfection, and that the power of that greatness alone will impeach Trump. I believe. Also, if anyone is looking for a good time, I wrote a spec script for this show back in college, and my professor graded it “passable”! Email for a copy!