It’s October, which means it’s time to retire from outdoor life and fully settle into the fall premiere schedule. And because it’s 2017, that means there are about a bazillion new and returning shows, so I sorted through the deluge to bring you the most intriguing ones. I swear, writing about TV in this climate is probably how Lucy and Ethel felt when the bonbons were coming down the conveyer belt — I just can’t get them all! But I want to, because DELICIOUS TV. Anyway, I tried!
Bob’s Burgers (Fox), October 1
This eighth season of the best show on Fox will make you laugh, make you laugh until you cry, and make you love butts again (thanks, Tina). Here’s hoping for lots of musical moments, because the show is always great, but it especially soars when Linda Belcher is hitting them high notes. You go, girl!
Curb Your Enthusiasm (HBO), October 1
Larry David’s back to haunt your high-anxiety dreams. It’s a great show, duh, and I will watch every episode waiting for one moment as perfect as when he raced Marissa Jaret Winokur down the hall to the doctor’s office in season one. It is, without a doubt, the finest moment in TV history, and I’m including Lucy, Ethel, and the bonbons, so you know I mean business!!
Ghosted (Fox), October 1
Ghosted is a comedic spoof of paranormal shows that stars the charming Craig Robinson and Adam Scott, who, after seven years of the networks stuffing him down my throat, I am now obsessed with. Is that what you wanted, TV Gods? To have an entire generation of women salivating for a guy who looks like the No. 2 fiddle in a high school AV department? Well, mission fucking accomplished. Anyway, I think this show might take a minute to get good based on the first mediocre episode, but it has a ton of potential. (My vagina wrote that last sentence for you, Adam.)
The Mayor (ABC), October 3
Brandon Micheal Hall stars as a rapper-turned-politician in this workplace comedy co-starring Lea Michele and Yvette Nicole Brown. (Also, David Spade is in there with a cameo as the out-of-touch old white man he was born to play.) This looks delightful, if only for the A++ cast, particularly Hall, whose smile is like sunshine, and I just want to hug him forever.
Dynasty (CW), October 11
The sexy Eighties prime-time soap about rich families slapping each other and also fucking each other is back. The reboot takes place in Atlanta, and the cast is more inclusive, and if they nail this, it will be the most talked-about show on television. At least in my house, because I LOVE DRAMA!
Crazy Ex-Girlfriend (CW), October 13
Rebecca Bunch is back to sing a lot and humiliate herself yet again in her obsessive quest for love. If you were a musical theater feminist nerd (the best type of person), there’s nothing on air that will fill your soul the way this show does. Also, if you’re a musical theater feminist nerd, email me for friendship and trading ideas for vocal warm-ups. Me me me me me me me meeeeeee.
White Famous (Showtime), October 15
SNL’s Jay Pharoah stars in this series based loosely on comedian Jamie Foxx’s early career. The trailer has some solid jokes, and the cast is stellar — Pharoah is joined by Utkarsh Ambudkar, Cleopatra Coleman, Jacob Ming-Trent, Michael Rapaport, Meagan Good, and Stephen Tobolowsky — so maybe this show should be added to your rotation. That is, if you can afford Showtime along with the other 52 channels and streaming services you subscribe to. Speaking of which: THERE IS SO MUCH DAMN TV. (Also, I want more! Especially things starring women! And how about moms!? I want stuff with moms. And doulas. And ladies who own parrots and get their periods every day. More, please!)
At Home With Amy Sedaris (truTV), October 24
Amy Sedaris is a drunk(er) Martha Stewart in this deranged take on the domestic arts. The genius comedian will explore such topics as “Entertaining the Grieving” and “The Craft of Love Making,” so you know it’s gonna be perfection. Honestly, she’s too good for this world and we don’t deserve her, so the fact that we’ll be able to spend a few evenings in her presence is a gift we all need to treasure, forever and ever, the end.
The Last O.G. (TBS), October 24
Tracy Morgan stars in this comedy about an ex-con who’s adjusting to life on the outside after fifteen years in prison. Morgan is the definition of silver screen charisma and the unfairly talented Jordan Peele is a producer, so I have no choice but to believe this will be the most divine series premiere of the fall.
Stranger Things (Netflix), October 27
It’s that show with the cute kids, the subpar acting, and the nostalgia factor that makes you think it’s good! My editor made me add it, so I don’t have much to say except that Winona Ryder is still pretty and she still can’t act. Also, if I have to see another piece of media that’s a bunch of boys and one troubled girl, I’m gonna move to the Upside Down and become an FT witch.