How to Survive a Samurai Sword Attack, Walmart Is Coming

• Governor Cuomo said he feels SHOCKED and BETRAYED by the actions of his former right-hand man Joe Percoco, who this week was convicted of accepting $300,000 in cash bribes. In case you don’t believe Cuomo is in touch with his inner feelings, why, he’s got these very human emotions written down on a piece of paper he carried with him while talking to the press.

• Dutchess County executive/Cuomo foe Marc Molinaro told his supporters that he will launch a campaign for governor on April 2. Bold move, kicking it off on April Fool’s Day.

• A Washington State man whose girlfriend stabbed him with a samurai sword after suspecting him of cheating credited his obsession with the martial arts form Wing Chun with helping him survive. The 29-year-old man denied cheating on his girlfriend, and blamed video games for his lack of affection and sex drive.

• Both the state assembly and the senate ducked a real congestion pricing plan in their proposed budgets, which means it’s up to notorious mass transit advocate Andrew Cuomo to push for it. Lol.

• A bus driver who killed a 58-year-old woman in Kew Gardens wasn’t charged with anything despite having hit her with his vehicle while she was in a crosswalk, which violates the city’s Right of Way Law.

• Owners who are renting out their pieds-à-terre on Airbnb are screwing up the housing market and turning buildings into either ghost towns or hotels by another name. Some city officials are suggesting a pied-à-terre tax.

• Walmart, which has been unable to open a New York City store, is partnering with Uber and e-retailer Jet to offer same-day delivery in the five boroughs.

• Toys R Us will soon be dead, but don’t forget that private equity firms played a role in the demise of the place where a kid could be a kid, by taking out huge loans to buy the company and then making it pay the loans back.

• Donald Trump Jr. is allegedly about to be back on the market…ladies.

• All is not lost for the Jets, even though they failed to lure quarterback Kirk Cousins to New York/New Jersey. The draft awaits. Then all really will be lost!

• Police in Queens seized nearly 200 pounds of pot and 19 bags of ketamine in a drug raid. In totally unrelated news, I’m adjusting my weekend plans.