April is kinda slow on new TV, but that’s OK because there are some big returns — The Handmaid’s Tale on the 25th, and Westworld on the 22nd — and, whatever, shouldn’t you be outside enjoying Ragnarok?
On My Block (Netflix), (before) April 1
OK, this actually premiered in the middle of last month, and I missed it then, but let us not dwell on my failing at TV, the one thing I’m supposed to do OK!! Anyway, this warm, funny, compassionate coming-of-age tale about a bunch of weirdo teens in South Central L.A. is all-caps DELIGHTFUL, and the last episode is truly a wild ride. It’s from Awkward’s Lauren Iungerich, so I’m not surprised, because she knows what she’s doing and she should probably be the president of TV! Can we all vote or something? I mean, I fully expect a dildo man like Chuck Lorre to win — JK! He has too much real-world experience to win! It would be, like, a barely sentient bagel or some shit, but I still want the opportunity to vote for her!
Jesus Christ Superstar Live in Concert (NBC), April 1
I will drink your cup of poison! Feels like ten years! Feels like twenty! Sorry, I’m short-circuiting because the high school drama nerd in me (a/k/a my entire essence and being) loves a live musical, and especially one written by Andrew Lloyd Webber, the guy who wrote the first musical you ever loved until you became an edgy teen and decided Rent was better. Fool! Anyway, Jesus Christ Superstar is by far ALW’s weirdest fare that’s not on roller skates, and this version is gonna attempt to mainstream it and, as a result, will be a glorious, insane masterpiece that will one day be studied by…someone. It stars Alice Cooper as King Herod, John Legend as Jesus, and Sara Bareilles as Mary Magdalene. I mean, I never would’ve cast it like this, but apparently I have a shit imagination, because THIS IS CASTING GENIUS.
The Last O.G. (TBS), April 3
Check out this lineup: produced and co-created by Jordan Peele, starring Tracy Morgan, Tiffany Haddish, and Cedric the Entertainer, who is a close, personal friend of mine. All I’m saying is, if this show fails, it will totally be your fault for not watching, so consider this the finger wag you need to set your DVR now. And while you’re at it, buy me a DVR, because they seem very dope! My TV is my computer, and I’m not proud!!!
Trading Spaces (TLC), April 7
First we had the return of Queer Eye, and now VERN YIP IS BACK, BB! The goddesses above and below must be crazy — crazy with great ideas!! The early Aughts brought us a lot of shitty things, but this show about two couples poorly redecorating each other’s houses is a glorious exception. TLC is reviving it with almost the entire original cast because what else do they have going on that’s better than goddamned Trading Spaces? Now, all I need is a reboot of The Joe Schmo Show, and I can finally, finally embrace the oncoming nuclear apocalypse.
Killing Eve (BBC America), April 8
The next series from Fleabag star-creator Phoebe Waller-Bridge is a very ~dramatic~ turn for her. It stars Grey’s Anatomy’s Sandra Oh as an MI5 agent who has to take on a lady assassin in a battle of the beastly bitches. So, very tight, but less exciting than an average episode of Grey’s, but, eh, Shonda can’t save/ruin everything!
Lost in Space (Netflix), April 13
The, um, iconic 1960s sci-fi series gets a remake that takes place three decades in the future. Space travel is common in this reality — lol, we all know that in 2048 the entire world will just be in flames and our president will be a potato chip, but, sure, let’s pretend — and the show is about a lost ship of interplanetary colonists that must survive in the Wild West of space. I’m only putting this on here because it stars Parker Posey, and I’d put a pile of steamy turd on this list if it starred Parker Posey (but I would not be happy with the studio head who green-lit Posey being onscreen with a steamy pile of turds! FUCKING MEN!!)
My House (Viceland), April 25
Vice is bringing back the Nineties with this insider’s guide to New York City’s hypercompetitive underground queer ballroom scene, and I’m billing it as an excellent companion to Drag Race. The reality show will feature Tati 007, Alex Mugler, Jelani Mizrahi, Lolita Balenciaga, Relish Milan, and finally, and most importantly, Precious Ebony, who will guide us through the scene, the art, and, of course, the voguing.