I have very high hopes for TV in June, and I know it won’t let me down! Because that’s not TV’s way — TV is a true friend, for real, with us until the very end. Until the world burns bright orange and then suffocates under a chemical cloud. We may not survive this hellscape we’re living in, but hey, at least we’ll remember all the time we spent watching TV. In the words of the iconic Mayhem Miller, “Party!”* ( *Adore Delano just popularized that term. And if you don’t know what I’m talking about: SHAME ON YOU! Watch more TV! JFC.)
Pose (FX), June 3
Ryan Murphy is one talented, prolific lil’ bb angel who soars above us and you should get on board with him before it’s a state-mandated requirement. Pose is a dance musical about 1980s New York City ball culture and honestly sounds like something I conjured up in a fever dream. The cast is star-studded — well, star-ish-studded, with Evan Peters, Kate Mara, and James Van Der Beek — and is billed as having the largest LGBTQ cast ever assembled for a scripted TV show. All of this is very exciting! Thank you, Ryan Murphy, and please remember this act of subservience from me when you control all the robots.
Succession (HBO), June 3
This new HBO thing about a family fighting amongst themselves for control of papa’s multibillion-dollar media conglomerate stars Brian Cox, Sarah Snook, and Kieran Culkin. I have some hope for this one because it’s from the brilliant minds who brought us Peep Show and also Step Brothers, but also, I don’t have hope, because the premise is so boring. Like, who cares about terrible rich white people fighting over who gets the most money? I can just tune into CNN if I want to see that! Zing!
Dietland (AMC), June 4
OH HELL YES FAT GIRL ON TV! I don’t even give a fuck what it’s about, but if you give me a show with a fat hottie in the lead Imma watch that show. And I’m gonna cheer. And I’m gonna cry. And I’m gonna write about it and talk about it and generally never shut up about it, so yeah. And when you tell me this show is about women taking out garbage men — I mean: FUCK. It’s the masturbatory fantasy I never knew I always needed. Thank you, AMC. Bless you. This might just make up for airing 75 years of Mad Men! You are finally redeemed!
American Woman (Paramount), June 7
I remember when this show was supposed to come out, like, a year ago? But apparently the original showrunner (30 Rock’s John Riggi) was removed because of “creative differences” and replaced mid-production by ER/Shameless’ John Wells. Those men seem like they probably have very different sensibilities, but I’m still excited for this half-hour dramedy set in the 1970s and based on the childhood of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills’ Kyle Richards. Yes! Plus, it stars Alicia Silverstone, Mena Suvari, and Jennifer Bartels, and there’s nothing wrong with that!
Marvel’s Cloak & Dagger (Freeform), June 7
Marvel continues on its path of total media domination with its first Freeform show. Freeform’s demographic is hard for me to nail down — is it horny tweens? Adults like me who love soaps but aren’t going to commit to a daily program because, fuck, there’s too much TV? — but it’s clear that this show about two teens linked by new superpowers fits squarely into it. Maybe this will fill the hole that Heroes left in our hearts? Or be the new Runaways? Whatever, teen girls are hella magical, so I’ll watch whatever about them, especially if they have actual superpowers.
Strange Angel (CBS All Access), June 14
Based on George Pendle’s nonfiction book, this series about rocket scientist Jack Parsons — who co-founded NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory and was also deep into Aleister Crowley’s sex magick cult — looks very PREMIUM CABLE CONTENT. What I mean is, brooding, put-upon, misunderstood genius man does ~bad things~ because see: above about the brooding, etc. Oh, and also maybe there will be a beautiful woman in it and you’ll get to see her boobs. I DON’T KNOW! Crowley is obviously a fascinating figure — Thelema, his semi-Satanic cult, had the famous edict “Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law” (shivers!). But if you’ve ever read this column (thank you! I love you!), you know that my threshold for this kind of penis-first programming is at an all-time low. Plus, it’s on CBS All Access, and who has time/money for that!
Yellowstone (Paramount), June 20
Kevin Costner is back, bb! Started at Waterworld, now we at…Yellowstone?! Anyway! This show just sounds so…Kevin Costner. He’s a rancher fighting for his land and way of life in a modern-day epic that will surely be very intense and very male. And check out this cast: Cole Hauser, Wes Bentley, Kelly Reilly, Luke Grimes, Dave Annable, Danny Huston, Gil Birmingham, Josh Lucas, Gretchen Mol, and Jill Hennessy. Again, it’s just so Kevin Costner, and if you’re into what he’s selling, then this will be the perfect show for you and your dad to watch together.