Attention Craig Dershowitz: It’s Just A F**king Dog


Craig Dershowitz says he’s blown upwards of $60,000 on legal fees in a custody battle with his ex-girlfriend…over a dog. It’s gotten him precisely nowhere — the girlfriend still has custody of the dog (a “puggle” named “Knuckles”) and a judge in California ruled today that that’s not gonna change anytime soon.

Dershowitz — after blowing through his life savings — is in the process of trying to raise even more money to piss away on a canine-custody case.

Craig, we realize you love your dog — and the media’s been gushing over how cute it is that you’re fighting to get him back. That said, we’re here to put things into perspective and remind you that it’s just a fucking dog.We wrote about Dershowitz’s puppy love earlier this week. You can read
the story here, but here’s the gist of it: Dershowitz and his former
girlfriend, Sarah Brega, broke up. Brega took the dog and went to
California. Dershowitz wants it back, which has caused him to spend
about $60,000 in legal fees. After pissing away every penny he has on a custody battle — again, over a dog — he’s now trying to raise more money online to continue the fight. He’s enlisted the help of his artistic friends to provide “Knuckles” merchandise (read: crap) that he’s now selling on the Internet.

Not that it matters — blowing $60,000 on a dog is idiotic no matter how much money you have — but Dershowitz isn’t a millionaire. After blowing his life savings on legal fees over a dog, he’s not even a thousand-aire. He’s 34 years old and works in an art gallery in Manhattan.

Dershowitz now says he needs to raise an additional $20,000 in the next 31 days to continue the fight for “Knuckles.” Thanks to generous (read: stupid) people across the country, Dershowitz has raised $4,364 so far.

Again, Craig, “Knuckles” is cute, and all, but he’s a dog. Grow up, stop using a dog as an excuse to keep in contact with your ex-girlfriend, pocket the $4,000 you conned out of people moved by your story, and go to the pet store.

And for anyone who plans on giving this guy even a penny, first click here to take a look at hundreds of charities that need cash for missions far more noble than helping a 34-year-old man get his puppy back.