I Have To Lose 16 Pounds By Monday

Well, maybe not have to, but I definitely want to.

Or even 12 pounds by Tuesday.

So what do I do?

Cut out carbs, sugar, and everything else I like?

Vomit?

Not eat anything at all, so I won’t even have to blow chunks?

Get head-to-toe lipo?

Get sick?

Cut my nails?

Help!