iVoice: Carrie Underwood and Taylor Swift Paint their Toenails!

In case it hasn’t yet been clearly articulated here (probably not), the two fellas responsible for the never-ending laff-riots that are iVoice chats are Jon Bois and Brandon Stroud, who also co-run the chat-game over at the Dugout. We’re still not sure how they do it—they’re either über-hackers or über-hecklers, but we don’t want to know what’s in the Big Mac Special Sauce either. This one comes courtesy of Brandon and it is a personal fave. — Your blawgh editah

**Online Host** Welcome to the Painting Your Toenails Chatroom!   BlareUnderwood: Isn’t it great being a young country starlet in the new Nashville sound? /paints toe   FastSeamstress: ERMAGARD I know!!! I’m, what, triple platinum or something, aydunno…   BlareUnderwood: It is, like, a dream come true. Yesterday I got hit on by Joe Diffie. JOE DIFFIE FastSeamstress: eeeee!!!!   BlareUnderwood: If I wanted I could have a store-gy with Big and Rich and Montgomery and Gentry and Brooks and Dunn!   FastSeamstress: omg do you have david archuletas tex number??   BlareUnderwood: nyah hee hee nyah hee /paints toe   FastSeamstress: Just think, I’m like “Fancy” from that Reba McEntire song where she gets a dress and makes a life for herself!   BlareUnderwood: i think that song is about a child prostitute     FastSeamstress: oh     FastSeamstress: well yeah that’s still pretty accurate     BlareUnderwood: Well I’m this generation’s Tammy Wynette!   FastSeamstress: wasn’t she badly beaten and abused and kidnapped from a grocery store or something one time?   BlareUnderwood: Okay then, I’m this generation’s Patsy Cline!   FastSeamstress: wasn’t she abused by her father when she was little and didn’t she die in a plane crash?     FastSeamstress: *whispers* and wasn’t she like a size thirty     BlareUnderwood: this generation’s Tanya Tucker?   FastSeamstress: wasn’t she a drug addict and an alcoholic teenager who slept with everybody?   BlareUnderwood: this generation’s Pam Tillis?   FastSeamstress: lost her original face in the war     BlareUnderwood: loretta lynn     FastSeamstress: beaten, abused, had 11 kids before she turned 12   BlareUnderwood: I-   FastSeamstress: What?     BlareUnderwood: Fine! I’m this generation’s Dolly Parton!   FastSeamstress: okay, whatev. but I mean when she was young she had to-   BlareUnderwood: She has huge tits and gay people love her!   FastSeamstress: okay, okay, sor-ry   FastSeamstress: ….   FastSeamstress: hey can i be this generation’s dolly parton instead, that sounds awesome   BlareUnderwood: Hell no, you already called child prostitute   FastSeamstress: come owwwwwnnnn /stomps feet   BlareUnderwood: nope, sorry     FastSeamstress: but Miley Cyrus already called it!!!! /holds breath   BlareUnderwood: nope, sorry, enjoy your dead roach-infested mother

ProgressiveBoink.com

PREVIOUS iVOICE CHATS
>Coldplay’s Chris Martin Tries to Befriend Thom Yorke
>A Night Out With Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson
>Kanye West Makes a Video for “Flashing Lights”
>Paramore Hosts MTV Hits!
>Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova Re-Enact Once Live
>Mariah Carey Gets Married!
>Prince Covers “Creep” Over IM, Coachellafield Ensues
>Colin Meloy Meets the Shankill Butchers
>Pete Wentz Writes a Polar Bear Song over IM
>Tom Waits and Waits and Waits
>Sean Kingston Dake You Dere Chat
>A Place To Bury Strangers IM Chat
>Sara Bareilles, Ingrid Michaelson, Colbie Caillat Chat
>American Idol, the IM Chat!
>Nellie MacKay, the IM Chat!
>Hannah Montana in 3D, the IM Chat!
>Britney Spears and Adnan Ghalib, the IM Chat!
>Rivers Cuomo Time-Travel Chat!
>Thom Yorke Responds to Radiohead’s Pazz & Jop Loss!
>SECRET THOM YORKE IN RAINBOWS CHAT INTERCEPTED!!!
>THE MAN BEHIND THE OiNK INVESTIGATION
>Regina Spektor’s Songwriting Secrets
>Iron & Wine Live-Show Chat Recap
>Wheatus Live-Show Chat
>Andrew Bird at Beacon Theater Soundcheck