Jessica Simpson Is The New Aretha Franklin


That’s pretty much what a friend told me the other day, and before you reach for the straitjacket, let me inform you that he’s an educated and quite savvy person who does leave the house a lot.

“I am blown away by the Jessica Simpson Xmas special on PBS,” he texted me, ecstatic and totally sober.

“Her weight gain has made her a soulful belter,” he added. “Trust me. It’s an excellent show.”

“She’s the new Aretha,” I texted back, rolling my eyes.

“Trust me,” he repeated in response. “She’s jaw-dropping.”

OK–straitjacket time?