Martin Bashir Compares Newt Gingrich to Scientology Founder L. Ron Hubbard, and more in our Thursday Stats Roundup!

It’s that time of the week, when Scientology workers scramble to get their statistics turned in. And with the Thursday 2pm deadline looming, we like to do the same, rounding up the church’s stats for the past week. First up, a little political humor…

Yesterday, Martin Bashir did a bit of editorializing on MSNBC, trying to find an historical antecedent for presidential candidate Newt Gingrich, who he apparently doesn’t like very much. In fact, Bashir seems to feel that Gingrich is such a self-aggrandizing looney, he could only think of one other person in history who resembles Newt: Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard.

Hey, come to think of it, Martin may be on to something here.

During his “Clear the Air” segment to close his show yesterday, Bashir — who knows a thing or two about Scientology — made the comparison after describing Gingrich as “a perfect combination of religiosity and insanity” and a “peddler of myths and fantasies.”

Ouch.

Thursday’s Stats: Upstat or Downstat? The funny thing is, I’m not really sure who makes out worse, Newt or L. Ron. But one thing I do know: having MSNBC’s audience puzzle over that question is a pretty big downstat in itself!

Story #2: Oh Ricky, You’re So Fine

Ricky Gervais is writing and directing Life’s Too Short, a mockumentary-style show currently airing in the UK about the life of Warwick Davis, who plays himself as a little person in show business. On a recent episode, Davis decides to check out whether Scientology has anything to offer him. We enjoyed the scene he plays with an actor portraying a Scientology official, who, the folks over at Operation Clambake point out, looks an awful lot like vanished church spokesman Tommy Davis.

Oh, the hilarity.

Gervais picked on religion in general with his 2009 movie The Invention of Lying, but he has singled out Scientology in the past for particular ridicule.

At the Golden Globes this year, he quipped, “Also not nominated was I Love You Phillip Morris, Jim Carrey, and Ewan McGregor. Two heterosexual characters pretending to be gay. So the complete opposite of some famous Scientologists, then.”

Thursday’s Stats: Upstat or Downstat? As we’ve pointed out in the past, comedians are in a unique position to reach many more people than news articles. We have a feeling Ricky isn’t going to give up on this rich vein of comedy any time soon. A modest downstat now, with much more potential to come!

Story #3: TIME Cops Out Again

Rah rah! Occupy Wall Street is Person of the Year! And we suppose that also means that Anonymous gets to share in the glory (such as it is), even though the connection between the two is somewhat tenuous.

Actually, this has nothing to with Scientology and was included here only as a chance to poke fun at old, confused TIME for yet another cop-out Person of the Year. I’m surprised that this issue didn’t come with a mirrored cover for all of you angry people out there to see yourselves in.

Thursday’s Stats: Upstat or Downstat? This precious issue of the magazine has somehow managed to make protesters look so harmless and lovable, I’m going to have to award some upstat to the church simply on principle.

Story #4: David Miscavige, Linguist

Over at his blog, Marty Rathbun has been having fun with excerpts from the October IAS gala in the UK, which featured Scientology leader David Miscavige talking about church accomplishments for three hours straight.

Except, that is, when someone else was on stage to laud him.

Rathbun pulled out some nice excerpts in this video, showing Miscavige step up to translate praise for himself so that he appears to be talking about what a hell of a guy he is in the third person.

And here’s what Rathbun didn’t point out: unlike monolingual Americans, educated people from Colombia and Russia generally all speak English, and so these folks were no doubt more than able to translate their own praise for Miscavige, and didn’t need the diminutive emcee to do it for them.

Well, that’s Miscavige’s idea of show business anyway.

Thursday’s Stats: Upstat or Downstat? The big crowds and lavish sets and black tie are all intended to give Scientologists a certain impression of Miscavige’s power, but for the rest of the world, the weirdness is almost too much. When these videos leak, even one like this which is one three-hour infomercial about how well the organization is supposedly doing, the disconnect from the real world is glaring. Another embarrassing downstat.

Well, things certainly seem to be winding down a bit with the holidays upon us. But don’t fear. We have lots of good, special stuff in preparation for the last couple of weeks of the year, so make sure and check back with us between your shopping trips or treks to grandmother’s house!

And in the meantime, don’t forget to vote in our poll for Scientology Story of the Year.

Tony Ortega is the editor-in-chief of The Village Voice. Since 1995, he’s been writing about Scientology at several publications.

@VoiceTonyO | Facebook: Tony Ortega

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