My New Biggest Fear of Flying: Sleeping Air Traffic Controllers!

I never even considered that a possibility before.

But now that a controller has famously nodded off, leaving two planes to land in D.C.’s Reagan Airport on their own, I’m shitting bricks of panic!

In fact, the bricks are flying out of the runway out of my ass with no one to guide them!

And it could be deadly!

So here’s an updated list of my airborne neuroses.

If I ever get my angsty butt on a plane again, my biggest fears will be:

(5) Birds flying into the engine. I hate when that happens! It’s not good for us or the birds.

(4) Terrorism. Remember that? I do. I have Italian Alzheimer’s.

(3) Pilot error. The only solace is that they generally want to stay as alive as you do, so they’ll do everything imaginable to keep breathing. Still, nobody’s perfect.

(2) Turbulence. Everyone always says, “A plane can’t crash from that” — but then it does!

And…

(1) Sleeping air controllers. I told you it topped my list! I wasn’t kidding! Energy drinks to all controllers now!