NYC’s Five Greasiest Dishes

Before downing this pair of well-fatted babies, better make sure you have a gastroenterologist on call.

We encounter greasy (pronounced “greazy”) food all the time in our wanderings. Sometimes it’s good, but sometimes excessive fat content gets in the way of really enjoying a dish, and makes you feel contrite after eating it, as you desperately try to mop the telltale shine from your chin.

Here are the most egregious cases of greasiness we’ve run up against lately, which we’ll try to deliver without the usual heart-attack jokes.

5. Battered Sausage at Kupersmith (above) — New gastropub Kupersmith offers a pair of what are obviously British bangers that have been dipped in batter and fried till totally sodden. The sausage by itself would be greasy enough, but the batter absorbs lipids like a sponge, and if you pushed one with some force down the middle of Clinton Street, it would slide probably three blocks before it stopped.

4. French Fries at Pommes Frites — Well, duh! And if you thought a place with a French name would never merit inclusion in the top five greasy dishes, reconsider. The trick here is that, not only are fries greasy by themselves, but even more greasy when fried twice in the Belgian manner. Then dump on some mayo, and you have a supreme, earth-shaking greasiness.

3. Buffalo Chicken Wings at Buffalo Boss — Wings are really fatty already. Then you fry them in oil, and paint on a sauce that is half fat. The result is one of the world’s greasiest dishes, and no more so than at the Jay-Z-owned Buffalo Boss in Fort Greene. So that’s how he makes his voice so smooth.

2. Big Tray Chicken at Henan Feng Wei — It’s a toss-up which kind of Chinese food is greasiest, but Hunan, Sichuan, and Henan are all candidates. The BTC at Flushing’s Henan Feng Wei has a half-inch of red chili oil floating on its surface, and, wonderful as the dish is, you’ll always have fat to spare long after eating the poultry.

1. Beans and Charcuterie at Tertulia — In an otherwise good restaurant, this special came as a shock. What was described by the waiter as a plate of blood sausage and beans turned out to be a full-blown Spanish imitation of French cassoulet, a dish that tries to hide tons of pork fat in some half-smashed beans. Here, there was no hiding involved: the undercooked pork belly — lots of it — jiggled like Santa’s belly with white, unrendered fat, as the sausages wept more lard into the mixture. The sodden sprig of green onion tells the tale.