Oldest Sex Toy Started Fires in More Than Just the Bedroom; Does Not Look Very Hygienic


Oh, ladies. Hooray for not living in prehistoric times. Not only were the men a bit … um … Neanderthalic, the sex toys were really quite unpleasant. Like this one, reported to be some 30,000 years old, made of siltstone. That can’t be good for a person.

Researchers, who dug up the rudimentary Rabbit in a cave in Germany, have been diligently studying it at the University of Tubingen. Their latest discovery is that it was used, apparently, not just for sexy times, but also for starting fires, which reminds us of the time that guy suggested “experimenting” with candle wax … not recommended.

The prehistoric phallus, which has marks where it was obviously used for striking against flints, also features carved rings around one polished end. Researchers say it’s easy to see what it was used for.

Now, despite the hustle and bustle of modern life and the seeming convenience of doubling your sex toy for a cigarette lighter or backup in case the pilot light goes out, multi-tasking is not always a good idea. As reminds us, vibrators should really be kept clean and free from harmful bacteria, stored in non-cavelike conditions, and not shared. Anything else can “put a real damper on the party,” they warn. And nobody wants that.