Patrick: Evil Awakens, a Techno-Thriller of Brain-Dead Proportions

Electroshock therapy doesn’t cure the comatose in Patrick: Evil Awakens, but it does turn vegetative Patrick (Jason Gallagher) into a telekinetic psychopath intent on stalking nurse Kathy (Sharni Vinson) by looking through her Facebook photos and burning her beaus with grills and overheated cell phones.

Mark Hartley’s ludicrous Australian import is set in a Horror 101-grade rotting former convent where Dr. Roget (Charles Dance), with the aid of his daughter, Matron Cassidy (Rachel Griffiths), tries to awaken brain trauma-stricken patients via experiments involving drugs and high-voltage electricity.

In this preposterous place of medicine, Roget does his dirty work in a secret basement lab while Kathy strikes up a rapport with motionless Patrick, who’s soon using his mind to send her computer messages about how she’s the only one who’s shown him “kindness” and “understanding” — what he means is he appreciated that she tested his physical responsiveness by sticking her hand down his pants.

The usual jolt scares involving slamming windows and shattering glass are plentiful, executed with the same dreariness as the romantic entanglements and revelations about Patrick’s past Oedipal insanity.

It’s a techno-thriller of brain-dead proportions, although it can lay claim to staging a riotous finale in which a chorus of possessed zombies chants “Patrick wants his handjob!”