Show Biz Is the Worst! Hear Me Out.

Yes, I know that every breathing creature on earth dreams of a life in showbiz, but trust me: It’s hell in a handbasket.

Once you enter into “the biz,” there’s no stability, zero security, and incomplete satisfaction.

Unlike most professions, the life of an actor is a job-by-job existence in which, every time a show closes or isn’t renewed, you horrifyingly find yourself at square zero, sending out head shots to total strangers!

For all you know, you may never work again — but then luck strikes and you get a supporting role in an Off-Broadway show!

It pays crap and it’s only seen by dozens of people — a far cry from your hit sitcom of the past four years — but at least you’re on the boards again and doing what you like.

And then that gets terrible reviews and closes in a week!

Start auditioning again.

And by the way, even if you do make it huge and amass tremendous fame and wealth, that’s no joyride, either.

You suddenly have dozens of people siphoning off your income and millions peering into every move you make.

As a star, you can’t trust anyone, you can’t leave the house without makeup, you need spies to check on your spouse, and half your day is spent wondering when your hot streak will start ebbing.

You turn into Lindsay Lohan, Charlie Sheen, or, worse, John Galliano.

Honey, trust me. Covering showbiz is way better than being in it.

(Though how I’d love that spotlight!)