Last night, during the 55th Grammy Awards, we trudged through the bile and self-loating of angry would-be comedians and critics who took to Twitter to tell Jack White he looks like Edward Scissorhands and Johnny Depp he looks like the butt baby of Jack Sparrow and Steve Tyler and Adele she was dressed like a bowl of old potpourri and Wiz Khalifia he looks like Beetlejuice to extract some actual useful, unique and entertaining tidbits. This is what we found. (Warning: Katy Perry’s boobs probably NSFW.)
See also: Pusha T on the Grammy Committee: “They Can’t Deny Good Hip-Hop Anymore”
What’s on the line here:
On Justin Timberlake doing the big band thing:
On Frank Ocean winning Best Urban Contemporary Album (?) over Chris Brown:
On Alicia Keys performance with Maroon 5:
On Kelly Clarkson’s wonderful acceptance speech, wherein she said she doesn’t know who Miguel is but would love to work with him:
Miguel’s response:
We are all Kelly Clarkson:
On LL Cool J’s frequent chatter about social media:
On LL Cool J’s uncanny likeness:
On Dr. John’s outfit:
On Rihanna’s performance:
On Lumineers, Mumford & Sons, Alicia Keys drum kits:
On Jack White’s performance:
On fun.’s winning Best New Artist:
This happened:
This too:
And this:
On the In Memoriam segment of the show:
The Wall Street Journal on the Big Winners of the night:
On the General State of Things:
Another take:
On Frank Ocean’s performance of “Forrest Gump”:
On LL Cool J’s show-closing performance with Chuck D:
A guy who eats whale sperm soup for a living really like it though:
The list of major winners:
Album of the Year: Mumford & Sons — Babel
Best New Artist: fun.
Record of the Year: Gotye — “Somebody That I Used to Know”
Song of the Year: fun. — “We Are Young”
Best Pop Vocal Album: Kelly Clarkson — Stronger
Best Pop Solo Performance: Adele — “Set Fire to the Rain” [Live]
Best Pop Duo/Group Performance: Gotye — “Somebody That I Used to Know” feat. Kimbra
Best Alternative Music Album: Gotye — Making Mirrors
Best Rap Album: Drake — Take Care
Best Rap Song: Jay-Z and Kanye West — “Niggas in Paris”
Best Rap/Sung Collaboration: Jay-Z and Kanye West feat. Frank Ocean and The-Dream — “No Church in the Wild”
Best Rap Performance: Jay-Z and Kanye West — “Niggas in Paris”
Best Urban Contemporary Album: Frank Ocean — Channel ORANGE
Best Traditional R&B Performance: Beyoncé — “Love on Top”
Best R&B Song: Miguel — “Adorn”
Best R&B Album: Robert Glasper Experiment — Black Radio
Best Rock Album: The Black Keys — El Camino
Best Rock Performance: The Black Keys — “Lonely Boy”
Best Dance Recording: Skrillex — “Bangarang” feat. Sirah
Best Dance/Electronica Album: Skrillex — Bangarang
Best Country Solo Performance: Carrie Underwood — “Blown Away”
Best Country Album: Zac Brown Band — Uncaged
Best Spoken Word Album: Janis Ian — Society’s Child: My Autobiography
Best Comedy Album: Jimmy Fallon — Blow Your Pants Off
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