The Day Brando Talked to His Penis


Marlon Brando’s first movie after The Godfather was Bernardo Bertolucci’s artsy sexual romp Last Tango in Paris, but it wasn’t all smooth, sexy sailing.

One day, when Marlon was shooting in the nude, he had to give his noodle an offer it unfortunately refused.

As the acting legend wrote in his memoir, Songs My Mother Taught Me:

“It was such a cold day that my penis shrunk to the size of a peanut.

“The tension, embarrassment, and stress made it recede even more.

“I paced back and forth…hoping for magic.

“I concentrated on my private parts, trying to will my penis and testicles to grow.

I even spoke to them!”

Well, Marlon must have been mumbling as usual, because his schlong and scrotal sac simply didn’t hear him.

The scene was cut!

(And so was his penis, by the way.)

If you were the great Brando, could you have snake-charmed your serpent to a worthy performance?