The Forthcoming Bailout of Greece: Now Would Be a Good Time to Take That Last-Minute Trip to Europe


Oh, Europe. All that time of your currency condescending the dollar has come to fruition, as you ponder whether or not to bail Greece out of their current debt with a 110B Euro package.

The problem is basically: Greece borrowed a shitton of money it couldn’t pay back, because the Greek government sucks, and is corrupt. In January, Greece was like, what, us? Need help? Get out of town! thus codifying stereotypes about Greeks as stubborn people who are very cagey about their business practices, whatever those practices are.

THREE MONTHS LATER: The rest of the EU is like, ‘Hmm. Do we bail these shady Greek bastards out? After all, they are pretty shady.’ In order to prove worthy of a bailout, Greece has to agree to change its Greece-y ways. But because Greece-y people don’t like changing their Greece-y ways, there’s a major reluctance to bail them out. And if that doesn’t happen, then like Norway, Greece will cease to function, because it will have no money or credit in order to do so.

There is, however, a wonderful upshot to this. Because the euro is starting to sink, and to suck, and this is wonderful news for all of us who sit around and daydream about leaving and going to Florence for a few days.

The common currency fell against most of its peers after European Union spokesman Amadeu Altafaj said aid to Greece might not be approved by all governments this month, when the nation must refinance over 8 billion euros in debt.

As of right now, this minute, the euro is trading at $1.31, which is the lowest it’s been since last April. Pray for a bailout, because that means that traveling to Europe is about to get a whole hell of a lot cheaper, and thus, you can exact revenge for all those awful early 2008 pieces about retailers in Manhattan accepting the euro for payment and European consumers coming here and buying lots of Rad American Shit for half the price, basically. Now we get to do that to them. Suckers.

Only problem is that right now, our own stock market is taking a bit of a dive, much of which is related to what’s going on in Greece. So: It’d be great time to take a cheap trip to Europe, because Greece fucked up, assuming you have a job when you get back, because Greece fucked up.

So it goes: Truthfully, you can’t win unless you’re in China, and if you’re in China, you can’t blog about how much you win in life. Such is the way the universe works, more or less. That still shouldn’t stop you from booking the cheap fare to Europe right now.