Neighborhoods

The Monica Lewinsky Show

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Here’s some advice for the country’s latest, and, perhaps, unluckiest celebrity:


Latrice Davis
Age: 22
Resides: Bedford-Stuyvesant, Brooklyn
Occupation: Student
What should Monica do to get her life together?
I’m not sure she can do anything. She has to stay out of the public eye, but I don’t know if that’s feasible right now.
Will she ever be able to have a normal life?
She can’t just get married and move away. And besides, seeing as how she likes committed men, she probably won’t ever get married.

What’s the toughest thing you had to overcome?
Getting kicked out of college. Academically, I wasn’t doing very well. And it was hard telling my parents. They got really angry. But now I’m back in school.

 


Eva Seredinsky
Age: 55
Resides: Downtown

Occupation:: Retired secretary

What should Monica do to get her life together?
Take book deals. She’ll survive. It’s mostly a problem for him.

Will she ever be able to have a normal life?
I don’t think she wants a normal life. She wants the limelight. She’ll go for some other rich and famous guy next.

What’s the toughest thing you had to overcome?
There are huge piles of them. But that’s personal.

Bill D’esposito
Age: 41
Resides: Toms River, New Jersey
Occupation:: Drive a commuter bus
What should Monica do to get her life together?
If I were her, I might change my appearance. She’s got that hairstyle that everyone knows. She could lose a little weight. Don’t get me wrong, though. I think she looks nice. I kind of like the bigger look. My wife is shaped like that.
Will she ever be able to have a normal life?
Sure. It’ll be forgotten in a couple years. What’s the toughest thing you had to overcome?
I got married really young. I had three kids by the time I was 18. I guess quitting school, looking for a job. But now I’m remarried and I’ve got a three-year-old kid. And I keep in touch with my other kids.

 


Stu
Age: 38
Resides: Chelsea
Occupation:: Actor
What should Monica do to get her life together?
She should try to figure out how she can nail Ken Starr. What he did to her was illegal and immoral.
Will she ever be able to have a normal life?
There’ll always be those snickers. Maybe some kids in the neighborhood will be like, ”Hey Monica! You want a cigar?”

What’s the toughest thing you had to overcome?
I almost died a couple years ago. I have asthma and a few years ago I went into a coma for 17 days.

Enrico Price
Age: 31
Resides: Jersey City, New Jersey
Occupation:: Unemployed minister
What should Monica do to get her life together?
Maybe go public and say that what she did was wrong.
Will she ever be able to have a normal life?
Yes. Something new will come up.

What’s the toughest thing you had to overcome?
The same problem the president has. I had lust and I womanized. But I talked to God, and it’s helping me to deal with it.

 


ugh McHugh
Age: 33
Resides: Newburgh, New York
Occupation:: Carpentry
What should Monica do to get her life together?
She’s already taken the proper steps as far as I’m concerned. She’s telling the truth as to what went on. And they’re probably going to crucify her so she might as well take advantage of her celebrity and do the book deals and all.

Will she ever be able to have a normal life?
No. She was involved with the top man in the country!

What’s the toughest thing you had to overcome?
Drinking and driving. They took away my license for 90 days. It was very traumatic. Especially, I work down here in the city. I had to get rides from other people. Looking back, it wasn’t such a bad thing, though.

Mohsen Zamzam
Age: 44
Resides: Huntington, Long Island
Occupation:: Engineer
What should Monica do to get her life together?
Lay low for a while, like Marv Albert did.
Will she ever be able to have a normal life?
She will never have a totally anonymous life.

What’s the toughest thing you had to overcome?
When I got fired. It was devastating to me. I thought it was the end of the world. But I dealt with it.

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