Top 10 Literary Wedding Toasts

“Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?”

–Groucho Marx

You’ve all heard horrible stories about rambling, disconnected, unrehearsed, and even madly embarrassing toasts given at wedding banquets, sometimes ruining friendships and causing brides and grooms to go pale or turn bright red. Well, just memorize one of these, and you’re home free.

“There is nothing nobler or more admirable than when two people who see eye to eye keep house as man and wife, confounding their enemies and delighting their friends.”

–Homer, The Odyssey

“What is a wedding? Webster’s Dictionary defines a wedding as ‘the process of removing weeds from one’s garden.'”

–Homer, The Simpsons

“Here’s to the happy man: All the world loves a lover.”

–Ralph Waldo Emerson

“May you both live as long as you want to, and want to as long as you live.”

–Letitia Baldridge

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“Marriage: A community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves — making in all, two.”

–Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary

“Look down you gods,
And on this blessed couple drop a crown.”

–Shakespeare, The Tempest

“You only get married for the second time once.”

–Garrison Keillor, Forbes magazine

“The Niagara Falls is simply a vast amount of water going the wrong way over some unnecessary rocks; the sight of that waterfall must be one of the earliest and keenest disappointments in American married life.”

–Oscar Wilde

“A career is a wonderful thing, but you can’t snuggle up to it on a cold night.”

–Marilyn Monroe