The Leo vs. Leo nomination was no doubt the most inane aspect of this year’s Golden Globes, coupled with the fact that he lost to Forest Whitaker for both. That said, there were a few other silent prizes that must be bestowed:
Best Dressed: Naomi Watts pale-blue column dress; Renee Zellweger’s forest-green knee grazer; Reese in her single-lady sex shift. Also Cate Blanchett’s and Penelope Cruz’s gowns, both of which I could see only on People.com.
Worst Dressed: It hurts to say, but—Tina Fey, in the skirt that could have housed two of her. And frequent visitor to the list, Cameron Diaz, in the Frillmaster 2000.
Saddest Example That Only Female Actresses Grow Old: Meryl Streep, aghast when the Hollywood Foreign Press president mentioned that 13 years ago she was up for awards with fellow old fogies Clint Eastwood and Jack Nicholson. Thanks Clint, for trying to smooth it over but . . .really not.
Saddest Example That Only Warren Beatty Grows Old: What was happening with his eyes? How much work has this man had done?
The Ryan/Reese: Kevin Bacon/Kyra Sedgwick. Last year, Ryan came off to me as the devoted, supportive husband of Reese; my editor claimed he was faking and was right. I don’t trust my judgment on this one anymore.
Worst Jump From “Full-Bodied” Actress to “Full-Bodied” Actress: The cut from Jennifer Hudson receiving her Globe to America Ferrara. What, is she cheering harder?
Cast Most Likely to Hurt an Asian: The cast of Heroes, presenting an award en masse. Other than Hiro, are they even allowed to appear one by one?
The Shot that Must Never Ever Be Again: Rupert Murdoch. I jumped back ten feet from my TV.
Best Anne Hathaway Dis: Any mention of Devil Wears Prada. Was she even in this movie? Eight million shots of Emily Blunt say no.
“Your Outfit Is Much Funnier Than Your Joke” Award: My friend next to me groaned when Jeremy Irons took the stage in what she called his “I’m a thespian” ensemble. Nice joke, dude. Fire your speechwriter.
Best “I Don’t Eat Shit Well” Cut: Renee Zellweger, when Meryl received her Globe.
“Why Is Everyone on This Show Burnt?” Awards: Renee Zellweger, Sienna Miller, and the Heroes cheerleader.
Best “I’m Smart, You’re Dumb” Slip: Or, the “I Went to Oxford and You’re Drew” Award. Hugh Grant, for saying he better announce the winner of an award instead of co-presenter Barrymore because “it’s in French.”
And finally . . .
“He’ll Come Back to Cut You” Award: Justin Timberlake’s jab at Prince’s height. But then again, traffic, schmaffic. What kind of extended potty break was Prince on?