Jay-Z Diss Track Enlivens Bullshit NBA Playoff Feud


As a mediocre-basketball fanatic, you are naturally enthralled by the Cleveland Cavaliers-Washington Wizards first-round clash; so, too, inexplicably, is Jay-Z. And Soulja Boy. I can make this relevant to your life. I promise.

The video above features Jay-Z’s new diss track, a freestyle (god, I hope it’s a freestyle) over Too Short’s “Blow the Whistle,” first played at a Washington D.C. nightclub Friday night and aimed at Wizards shooting guard DeShawn Stevenson. A brief summary of how this happened: Prior to the series, DeShawn declares that Cavs superstar Lebron James is overrated. Lebron responds that actually responding to such a jibe would be like Jay-Z responding to a diss from Soulja Boy. The Wizards respond by getting Soulja Boy courtside seats for game 3 of the series, which they win. Jay-Z decides to respond himself. (The Washington Post, God love ’em, has been all over this.)

I cannot in good conscience recommend “Blow the Whistle (Anderson Varejao Flopped Again)” as a musical entity. But this is just loopy enough to be moderately entertaining, especially Sunday afternoon, game 4 of the series, during which the uptight TV announcers were forced to try to explain this calamity to the large swath of home viewers ignorant of rap-feud aesthetics. But though I grudgingly ride with the Cavs on this one, I must take umbrage at the announcers’ dismissal of Soulja Boy as a “one-hit wonder.” Bow down to “YAHHH,” friends.

Ah: To make this relevant to your life, Jay-Z is probably siding with Lebron here because he aims to woo the guy from Cleveland to Brooklyn in a couple years, just in time to join the relocated Nets, who will play in a fancy new arena whose construction will probably involve bulldozing your apartment.

Lest you be curious, the Cavs are up 3 games to 1 in the series, which continues Wednesday night in Cleveland. The winner will triumphantly advance to the next round vs. the Boston Celtics, whereupon they will be beaten like gongs.