News & Politics

Accused Assailant Monserrate is Sworn In as Chairman

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It’s good to know that, in this great country of ours, you can rise through the ranks of the NYPD, thence to the city council, thence to the state senate, smash a glass across your girlfriend’s face* and still become the chairman of the consumer protection committee. The senate democrats have decided that pending felony charges are no reason to keep Queens state senator Hiram Monserrate from his dream. But out of delicacy for the feelings of anyone who may have heard about his little accident, including potential jurors, Monserrate has agreed to forego his $12,500 chairmanship stipend. (He continues to draw his $80,000 senatorial salary.)


* We should say “allegedly,” though the evidence is hilariously damning.

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