I’d been waiting all day for the first results show of the season, because an entire hour of fluff, recaps, dramatic musings by Ryan, and group singing are all I live for. So first last night we got the judges’ commenting on the initial round of the semi-finals–and all pretty much agree it was so-so. Kara says a few stood out: Stevie Wright and Casey Carlson in particular. I love when Biatch Kara tells it like it is. Then they go into an extended joke about judging one another’s “performance” “after the show”; apparently Kara is the new love interest for Simon–or so the producers would like us to believe. Until now, dutiful Paula always carried that burden with a few raunchy sex jokes thrown in every now and then. Here’s hoping this all leads to a catfight.
We are treated to a video, the 12 contestants’ “Idol Journey,” which is just everything we’ve seen before. Then they step into high-school chorus mode for a group number: it’s cutie patootie Jason Mraz’s
“No More” “I’m Yours.” The boys are bobbing, Casey Carlson is bobbling, Jackie Tohn can’t stop chicken-walking, and it’s just awesome.
After five minutes of repeating what happened yesterday for everyone in America who missed my play-by-play, Ryan interviews everyone. Jackie waves her limp wrist like a homo in Estelle Getty drag, Anoop stutters something boring, the newly calm Tatiana defends her blatant plea at the end of last night’s performance to the American people to make her dreams come true. You can see in Ryan’s eyes that he is desperate for this trainwreck to stay in competition. So are we. Tatiana-fodder is too good to be true.
Casey Carlson, Stephen Fowler sent home. Alexis Grace makes the Top 12, and she reprises “Never Loved a Man.”
Ricky Braddy and Jackie Tohn are both called up. They both get the boot. “Simon wins,” says Ryan.
Anoop Dawg and Michael Sarver are next. One will make it and one won’t. And our next Top 12er is . . . the roughneck! I should have known: Christian rock is more powerful than South Asian diversity.
A commercial for the new Idol Disney attraction ends with Carrie Underwood and David Cook dueting on “Go Your Own Way.” Another clue about Fleetwood Mac night? Then Carly Smithson and Michael Johns, last year’s super-talented foreign finalists–both kicked off too early–stop by to self-promote for a duet of “The Letter.” Michael is as cheesy and Carly as preggers as ever.
Then Ann Marie Boskovich, Brent Keith, Stevie Wright endure a humiliating few moments of deliberation before they are kicked off.
Danny Gokey and Tatiana del Toro are brought center stage. Tatiana is rendered speechless when they are given the news that one of the two will make it to the Top 12. Danny rolls his eyes when Ryan says we’ll find out after the break. And our third new finalist is Danny Gokey. So unfair! Wild card!
So our first three finalists indicate that this is, shockingly, very family oriented line-up, with a mommy, a hubby, and a widower. Cross your fingers and limp your wrists that in a couple weeks, Nathaniel, Adam Lambert, and Norman Gentle will turn this around into a “family” oriented season.