Your Crap Archivist brings you the finest in
forgotten and bewildering crap culled from basements, thrift
stores, estate sales and flea markets. I do this for one reason:
Knowledge is power.
Picture Stories of the Sex Life of Man and Woman
David H. Keller, “America’s most consulted sexologist”
Publishing Company, New York
Discovered at: Collection of
The Cover Promises: “317 Instructive Pictures Explaining How Sex Functions in Human Beings”
Like any regrettable hook-up, Dr. Keller’s Picture Stories of the Sex Life of Man and Woman gets
all its words out of the way early, merely offering justification for
the hardcore action to follow. For Keller, that justification is
helping Americans achieve “the highest happiness life holds for us
humans: ideal married love.”
To that end, he offers this guide to ladyparts:
You see, marital happiness depends upon men’s understanding of the
sexual potential of lungs, armpits, scar tissue and blisters!
So, Dr. Keller claims his images make sex better. This one shows how nerves and glands dance the maypole around the brain.
And I learned a lot from this space-olive Spaghetti-O waterslide.
Could you pick the clitorises of your loved ones out of a line-up?
this point, I think we need to bring words back into this. Why,
exactly, did Dr. Keller feel the need to publish a sketch that makes a
“negro porter”‘s clitoris look like Popeye’s chin?
From his introduction, titled “
Your Automobile – Your Radio –
and Your Body: The Need for Straight Thinking on Sex in Words and
“It certainly is an interesting
commentary on our civilization that a man who is able to name
correctly the parts of his radio or automobile, cannot name
accurately the parts of his own body or describe the manner in which
they function to promote his health and happiness.”
He argues that reproduction “makes of man more than a machine. It
makes him into a creative god.”
I’ll cede that point. Keller’s creative. He comes up with 317 ways to not actually show the fleshy bits instrumental in “sex attraction”:
More justification, please!
Havelock Ellis, “the great English sexologist”:
“If there were a
due degree of familiarity with the natural organs and functions of
the opposite sex, ninety percent of the indecent acts of youths with
girl children would disappear.”
“The ignorance of the physical facts
of sexual love is marked not only in women but also in men, for the
civilized man often knows less of the facts of sexual life than a
Sadly, neither sexologist makes clear just how images like this are supposed to help with the ins and outs of in-and-out.
Is there any beauty greater than that of a butterfly emerging from its uterus?
Other topics Dr. Keller covers in his deeply unhelpful fashion:
And this defense of an ideal:
I applaud his rejection of corsets, yet I despise his rejection of arms.
The Crap Archivist lives in Kansas City, where he originates his on-line Studies for the Voice‘s sister paper, The Pitch.