Further evidence that the classic-album tour trend has gone off the rails: the official word that Aerosmith will be performing Toys in the Attic in its entirety at Jones Beach next week and Madison Square Garden in September 14. These dates had been previously announced back in April, but not officially promoted as the Q104 sploozefest they are now–wonder how those $155.50 and $95.50 tickets were selling for Jones Beach? Maybe not so well: Toys in the Attic is their best-selling non-Greatest Hits record ever (eight million copies) and there’re most definitely a couple thousand women deflowered in Camaros who’re willing to forgo the Cable bill to see Steven Tyler do “Big Ten Inch Record.”
Being a Boston kid who used to eat bad metal/”hard rock” for breakfast, I tend to want to defend Aerosmith on the grounds of hometown loyalty, despite a lifetime of misgivings. But logistically, this is a scam: Toys in the Attic is nine songs and barely 35 minutes long, and when Aerosmith surprise-covered the record on a Massaholic Dropkick Murphys double-bill last week, they left out “You See Me Crying” because Tyler’s voice can’t handle it. And sure, Toys in the Attic has the bad-bar-jukebox staples “Sweet Emotion” and “Walk This Way,” but there’d be a mini-riot if the band didn’t play those live, anyway. So do people really go to see Aerosmith these days fiending to hear “Adam’s Apple”? Maybe they’re the same people who want to hear Motley Crue do Dr. Feelgood at Crue Fest 2. In any event, can’t wait for the press release announcing Great White will perform Once Bitten Twice Shy in its entirety–except, of course, that would just be wrong. Doesn’t mean it won’t happen.