I’ll tell you mine:
Not long ago, I was introduced to a woman whose cheeks jutted out at least a foot beyond her face.
High cheekbones are always lovely, but this woman’s entered a room a full 10 minutes before she did.
On top of that, one of her eyes had been lifted way higher than the other, making her look a little too middle-period Picasso.
And her lips were obscenely pumped up, as if at a gas station, but they still were barely visible under the broad shadow of those mutant cheeks.
Looking at the woman without spewing chunks required so much good will I feel I deserved the Oscar just for saying hello.