Mel Gibson’s Fashion Tips: Helping You Avoid Rape by a “Pack of Ni**ers” Since 2010

Remember that time Academy Award-winning director, producer, and Lethal Weapon 3 actor Mel Gibson made headlines a few years back when he called a female cop “Sugar Tits” and blamed “The Jews” for all of the world’s problems while getting a DUI? Well, that made him go away for a bit, and then he came back in an angry movie about an angry guy looking for revenge! Well, maybe some of that method acting business or whatever carried over. Because Mel’s at it again!

Here’s the story: He had a girlfriend — Oksana Grigorieva — who became the mother of his “love child.” She eventually realized that he was a psychopath, even though she’s probably crazy for dating him and having his love child in the first place. On her way out of that relationship, she started taping some of the crazy things he was saying. RadarOnline.com has those tapes, and supposedly, what the tapes — which have yet to be heard by the public — actually say. And what were those things?

Glad you asked. Not for the lighthearted. But, here you go:

• “You look like a fucking pig in heat, and if you get raped by a pack of niggers, it will be your fault.”
• “You’re an embarrassment to me.”
• “How dare you act like such a bitch when I have been so fucking nice?”
• “I am going to come and burn the fucking house down … but you will blow me first.”
• “Look what you did to me … look what you are … look what every part of you is … fucking fake … fucking fake.
• “You are the most synthetic person … who the fuck are you?”
• “This is my last message. I might be the father … Well, fuck you … You psycho cunt …Because I don’t care.”
• “Do you understand me? I’m done.”

Well, this ought to make for a fun flow chart! Which I’m going to start working on … right now! Meanwhile, Mel’s latest project, The Beaver, co-starring Jodie Foster and Anton Yelchin, will absolutely do well to dispel the notion that Mel Gibson is either angry or insane. Because the plot summary is ….

A guy walks around with a puppet of a beaver on his hand and treats it like a living creature.

Ha, oh, never mind. His career is fucked, again.

[fkamer@villagevoice.com]