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Halloween is nearly upon us. You don’t have a costume yet, because you’re a music nerd. We are here to help. Abandon your half-assed Lady Gaga concept and try these practical suggestions instead.
The Dude From Baths
That’s a Pomeranian, in case you were wondering.
M.I.A. In Concert
What you need here is a boombox blaring turgid, unlistenable noise and a microphone that terribly distorts your voice, along with several bottles of tequila to share with/throw at passersby. For the extra mile, get your friends to dress up as Die Antwoord, show up at the party before you, and be generally way more enjoyable.
Shirtless Rick Ross
Take off your shirt. Make this face. Now hold it for three hours.
Kanye West + Ballet Dancers
And not like fat guys in tutus, either–actual professional ballet dancers. Commit to this. He did! (And don’t forget the Horus chain.)
The Rapping Dude From Salem
Freestyle rhyme your way in the door (careful with the subject matter though), then assume a crouching position toward the back of the party and remain there until the reputation of your band is redeemed. Waka Flocka Flame
Mostly this involves walking down the street yelling “BLAOW BLAOW BLAOW WAKA WAKA WAKA” etc. while handing out masks of your face. For added surrealism, wear a Fozzie Bear suit. Oh, and RSVP for several Halloween parties, but don’t actually show up at any of them.
The Entire Genre of Chillwave
If you want to build a paper mache facsimile of your mother’s womb in order to spend the evening trying to climb back into it, that’s your business, pal.
Christopher R. Weingarten
The hat. The beard. The glasses. The Melvins T-shirt. The mobile device of your choice, for effusive Tweeting. And, of course, the nonstop profanity. Walk up to the cutest girl at the party and tell her how you feel about Stereogum.
“OK, so yeah, just put on this pignose and spank Susan Sarandon until this horse we’ve got right here tramples you to death.”
Best Coast + Wavves
Super-hot for couples this year: Get yourself a couple joints, a bag of In-N-Out Burger, and, y’know, a cat, which you should then talk about incessantly. Then find us and hand over the In-N-Out Burger. (Note: Shoes must be Converse.)