Dear Rest-of-America: Stop Freaking Out At The TSA, You Divas. (or “Shut Up, I Have a Flight to Catch.”)


Yes, we’re all for excited for the government subsidized handjobs many of us are about to receive courtesy the TSA during our holiday travels. And by excited, we mean: “preemptively traumatized, and preemptively pissed.” But do you ever imagine how the TSA screeners themselves feel?

As it turns out, one of them blogged about these exact feelings!

A travel blog called Flying With Fish looked into the matter, and found that:

  • Out of 20 TSA agents contacted by the blog, all 17 who responded were at airports with the new screening measures in place.
  • Of those 17 respondents, all of them unanimously “do not like the new pat downs and that they do not want to perform them.”
  • Furthermore, all 17 respondents reported their “morale being broken down.”
  • Finally, “more than one” of them think it’s likely that “they are more uncomfortable performing the pat down than passengers are receiving them.”

On one hand, how can you not have compassion for these individuals? They really are just doing their jobs, and their jobs right now might be The Very Worst Jobs In America. On the other hand, if you keep giving them hell America, maybe they’ll all just up-and-quit! Many of the comments on the Flying With Fish post note that these guys should “put their money where their mouth is” and do something about it.

Yes! That’s the spirit! Protest! We all know how great a job walk-off would be in the middle of holiday travel season for you and for your economy. For the record, it wouldn’t be.

Maybe the issue is that — with all the various controversies and horror stories about children being felt up and parents freaking out and flight attendants who are cancer survivors having to take out their prosthetics — these guys didn’t receive enough training, or that our government — it all of its arrogance — didn’t think they’d have a Customer Relations issue on their hands. It’s not these people’s fault! Get a grip, traveling Americans. Direct your ire towards this guy:

That’s John S. Pistole, who’s the head administrator of the TSA, sworn in this last July. If there’s a buck to be passed, he’s where it stops. He is also the one who has to deal with reports of private security companies being more effective at security screening than government agents. Of course, many of these reports may originate from the congressional representatives advocating for these companies to take the TSA’s place who are (of course) taking donations from said companies, but that’s another story.

America, get your shit together and buck up. This is a complex problem that lacks an easy solution. You freaking out at the airport — regardless of how violated you do or don’t feel — isn’t going to make anything better for anyone. Contact your congressional representatives! Do something that will actually make a difference. But whatever you do, do NOT mess with my holiday travel plans. I have an airport bar to get to, and when I get there, I will drink away the trauma of having my cock grabbed by an equally uncomfortable stranger, and then channel this fury into calls and letters forcing the elected officials I appointed to do their jobs into actually doing their jobs. For the moment, though, all of us — you, me, and TSA screeners — are going through variations of the same hell. Don’t make it worse.