The website for Trinity College in Dublin was vastly improved last week when a prankster posted the profile of a new English professor, Dr. Conan T. Barbarian. The profile, which has since been taken down but can be viewed on the cached page, features a picture of a shirtless Arnold Schwarzenegger and a biographical paragraph that is faithful to the Conan the Barbarian canon. MSNBC reports that Trinity spokeswoman Caoimhe Ni Lochlainn believes someone affiliated with the university is responsible for the alterations and not outside hackers. That, or Conan’s sworn enemy, Thulsa Doom.
Here’s the listing for Dr. Barbarian as it appeared on the faculty section of Trinity’s website:
Dr Conan T. Barbarian, B.A.(Cimmeria) Ph.D. (UCD). F.T.C.D.
Long Room Hub Associate Professor in Hyborian Studies and Tyrant Slaying.
Dr Conan T. Barbarian was ripped from his mother’s womb on the corpse-strewn battlefields of his war-torn homeland, Cimmeria, and has been preparing for academic life ever since. A firm believer in the dictum that “that which does not kill us makes us stronger,” he took time out to avenge the death of his parents following a sojourn pursuing his strong interest in Post-Colonial theory at the Sorbonne. In between, he spent several years tethered to the fearsome “Wheel of Pain”, time which he now feels helped provide him with the mental discipline and sado-masochistic proclivities necessary to sucessfully tackle contemporary critical theory. He completed his PhD, entitled “To Hear The Lamentation of Their Women: Constructions of Masculinity in Contemporary Zamoran Literature” at UCD and was appointed to the School of English in 2006, after sucessfully decapitating his predecessor during a bloody battle which will long be remembered in legend and song. In 2011/12, he will be teaching on the following courses: “The Relevance of Crom in the Modern World”, “Theories of Literature”, “Vengeance for Beginners”, “Deciphering the Riddle of Steel” and “D.H. Lawrence”. He strongly objects to the terms of the Croke Park agreement and the current trend for remaking 1980s films that he believes were perfectly good enough in the first place.
He is happy to hear from potential research students with an interest of any of these topics, but applicants should note that anyone found guilty of academic misconduct or weakness in the face of the enemy will be crucified as an example to the others.
The following is a clip from a symposium Dr. Barbarian held last semester with visiting professor Genghis Khan:
Famous real Trinity professors include Isaac Newton, Francis Bacon, Bertrand Russell, Niels Bohr, and time-traveling cyborg T-800, whose CPU is a neural net processor; a learning computer.