Travel + Leisure Magazine has once again declared New Yorkers the rudest of all the rude peoples of America. Congrats New Yorkers. You know what they say…any publicity is good publicity, and if you can be rude here, you can be rude anywhere! According to our pals at T+L, which based the rankings on input from their esteemed readers, “The Big Apple reclaims its heavyweight title in hostility, a dubious honor it last held in 2009 — and a reputation it has had for much longer (“You talkin’ to me?”). Besides its fast pace, New York City is also No. 1 for diversity. As a result, you might encounter unfamiliar mannerisms that aren’t meant to be mean but come across that way. Deep down, voters probably love New York for its flamboyant, bird-flipping spirit. After all, it’s also the No. 1 city for great theater.” But what does that MEAN? And what rude things do we do? We’ve compiled a list of 55, but, please, feel free to add your own. To assume there are limits to our rudeness would be rude.
55. Use a plus sign instead of spelling out the “and” in the title of your famous New York-based travel magazine that declares entire cities of people rude.
54. Take someone else’s umbrella from the umbrella bucket WHEN IT’S RAINING. Leaving that broken-ass one that you bought off the street does not absolve you of this sin.
53. Fail to have your Metrocard/cash or credit card at the ready in the 10-person line of people waiting to swipe their Metrocards/buy something.
52. Insist on ordering your bagels with the bagel-part scooped out. Go buy a fucking cracker.
51. Break up with someone on a Post-It note using writing that resembles that of a psychopath. Neatness counts!
50. Kill squirrels and pigeons.
49. Feed squirrels and pigeons.
48. Tell everyone you don’t own a television and instead just watch “important things” on Hulu all day. Be smug about this.
47. Have loud sex in your apartment so as to be overheard by your neighbors.
46. Move furniture in your apartment late at night so as to be overheard by your neighbors.
45. Create more rude New Yorkers.
44. Make people who have kids feel bad. Cuz they might CRY.
42. Never call, text, IM, BBM, gchat, Skype, Facebook, or DM again after the first date.
41. Call, et al, after the first date, repeatedly, until the recipient of your madness must a) confront you directly or b) take out a restraining order. Then Facebook friend ’em!
40. Give someone bed bugs.
39. Smoke really fragrant weed without offering the neighbors any.
38. Push your way into the subway car without letting others out first.
37. Cling to the subway pole with your buttocks, back, entire body, or peanut-butter-and-jelly- or influenza-sticky hands.
36. Let your dog defecate on the streets (and fail to pick it up).
35. Pee outside.This is particularly rude near churches, doorsteps, and humans, unless requested explicitly.
34. Tip poorly.
33. Publicly shame your noob out-of-town relatives for tipping poorly and for anything else said noobs get up to. They can’t help it.
32. Fail to wash your hands after using the bathroom. Be really into shaking people’s hands.
31. Accept rounds purchased by others but never offer to pay for one yourself.
30. Shout loud things that nobody wants to hear and are not even remotely helpful or pleasant in public and/or private places while also taking your pants off.
29. Allow your cell phone to ring at the Philharmonic. Chosen ringtone: Marimba.
28. Walk around with your clothing falling off, revealing certain fleshy parts that no one is interested in viewing.
27. Sing in public, badly. Also, listen to your terribly curated music so loudly that everyone else can hear it, even though you have terrible taste in music and you’re not all that great at curating, either.
26. Walk improperly. This includes oblivious, overt texting while walking as well as spitting. Don’t spit. Don’t “store” your used gum on the ground either. That karma will find you when you least expect it.
25. Be a cabbie; refuse to go to Brooklyn.
24. Be a cab passenger; vomit in cabs.
23. Sneak into a second movie after you’ve only paid for the first. Actually, nevermind. This is not rude, this is good business sense.
22. Forget to say thank you in whichever written or verbal format is deemed necessary by the generosity received. Forget to say thank you back. Forget to say thank you to the thank you’s thank you. Die and go to a hell that is full of stationary and pens that are forever running out of ink.
21. Close talk.
20. Take up more than your allotted space in this world.
19. Claim to have to work when you actually don’t.
18. Hold obnoxiously themed baby showers and bachelorette parties that you insist your friends not only attend, at their expense, but also bring gifts to.
17. Be snarky about other people’s important life events.
14. Drink the milk directly out of the container.
13. Steal someone’s gross lunch from the gross office fridge. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
12. Act like elderly people don’t have a right to exist in this city.
10. Lie. Unless it makes someone feel better.
9. Cut the wallet out of drunk people’s pockets when they pass out while riding the subway.
8. Pass out on the subway and rely on the kindness of strangers, whom you may or may not have drooled on, to protect you from the lush workers.
7. Throw pornographic pictures down at the people having the party on the patio below because they are being too loud and having too much fun and it’s SO RUDE they didn’t invite you.
6. Have a loud party on your patio and fail to invite the neighbors. When pornographic pictures rain down from above, shout “Fuck you!” and give every window you see the finger. Make it the unmanicured one.
5. Chuckle, even inaudibly, when the subway door slams in the face of that loser.
4. Fail to hold the door for the person directly behind you, especially if he/she is disabled, weak, ill, old, holding a large object, a child, or pregnant. If he or she is texting and not paying attention while walking into the door, do whatever the heck you want.
2. Think you are better than other people because you are a New Yorker.
1. Claim that New Yorkers are rude.
See what we did, there?
America’s Rudest Cities [T+L]