Why are Miley Cyrus and Tyler, the Creator collaborating? Probably because they know how awesome it will be.
Both artists are reluctantly of-age brats with too much money being poured into them, who wish they could rebel against their distressingly large audiences. Both have one big fluke hit apiece: Tyler’s web-igniting “Yonkers” and Miley’s Girl Talk-inciting “Party in the U.S.A.”
And both are smarter than people think. Miley’s “Wake Up America” pleaded for people to go green (“I know that you don’t want to hear it/ Especially not from someone so young”) while Tyler’s revealing “Her” was mostly overshadowed by his misogyny and gay-baiting (“My nigga ask ‘Ace, what happened to such and such?’/ I could slander her name and then tell him I probably fucked/ Or I could tell him the truth, and just say she ain’t like me much/ But instead I lie and say she moved to Nebraska”).
This is all reaching pretty far; we’re talking about IRL Mickey Mouse collaborating with “bitch killer”-era Ice Cube. But this is still a real thing that’s apparently happening. So what will Miley, the Creator even sound like? A few guesses:
“Kill People Burn Shit Fuck Homeschool”
Miley fantasizes about burning down the school because she’s sick of being judged by the other kids on the so-so production values of her 3-D concert film. Except the other students are just a strong weed hallucination and she accidentally burns down her own home.
Tyler brags about having sex with the Eiffel Tower, Miley joins in on the rousing chorus of screaming “Check my French!” before quietly intoning “…homework.”
“Girls Just Wanna Have Blunts”
Tyler raps as his murderous alter ego Tron Cat alongside Miley as Hannah Montana, who claims her real father is Tony Montana and disses Billy Ray for being an “Achy Breaky taint.” Then she rips a gravity bong and scours Google trying to find Tyler’s absentee father’s email address for hours, to no avail. Tyler raps about how funny girls are when they’re stoned.
“Can’t Be Tamed Pt. 2”
Miley extrapolates on her bird-winged alter ego from the original “Can’t Be Tamed” video, aligns herself with Big Bird in order to lick shots at Romney (“If you won’t go green then maybe you’ll run red”) and says he can get fucked with a Snuffleupagus trunk. Tyler contributes a surprisingly impassioned and well-argued verse about the environment before siccing Miley on Bruno Mars to peck him to death.
Tyler flips the hook from Miley’s “Liberty Walk” over a tale of him attending Slutwalk with the initial intention of shouting horrendous things at the female protestors or hitting on them, but instead winds up learning a great deal about rape culture and ends the song in tears. Earl Sweatshirt guests.
“What I Like About You”
A straightforward rendition of the Romantics’ hit, with controversial key changes from producer Pharrell that makes it sound like Steely Dan. Tyler sings backup in his “therapist” voice.
“AssMilk in the U.S.A.”
Tyler raps about Miley making him Google Image Search gross stuff, then they do whippits and listen to country. Miley brags about friendzoning him. Frank Ocean shows up to sing about materialism; no one can tell if it’s positive or negative. A screwed-and-chopped Miley invites Hillary Duff to suck her dick until Nyquil comes out.