Billed as a “satirical comedy about the American dream,” La Visa Loca doesn’t have anything to say about that eternal subject and is excruciatingly unfunny. Jess Huson (played with Seacrestian smugness by Robin Padilla) is a Filipino limo driver consumed by his dream of getting a visa and moving to the U.S. And he has good reason to want out: His father (Johnny Delgado) is overweight, nearly deaf, and openly indulges a fondness for softcore porn. Luckily for Jess, destiny intervenes in the guise of Nigel Adams (Paul Holme), a supercilious gasbag and internationally famous TV personality who gets into his limo. Adams, host of a program called Planet Strange, is looking for some third-world battiness to spice up his show, and Jess is more than willing to help his client find the Filipino freak shows. In the preposterous final act, Jess is literally nailed to a cross—with Adams’s TV cameras rolling—hoping that his new friend will help him find a job in the States. You get the idea.