Millennial Prophecies

Exclusive! America’s Only Psychic Journalist Reports the News Before it Happens!

>> As player salaries spiral out of control, Major League Baseball and the National Football League will follow the lead of many other American corporations by placing franchises in Third World countries. Grateful native athletes will play for teams like the Managua Cobras and the Manila Roosters for only a few dollars a day.

>> Claiming it objectifies men, the men's movement will decry the romance novel as women's version of pornography.

>> Acting on the principle that no publicity is bad publicity, the postal service will make a succession of controversial moves to boost profits. Americans will howl with outrage, for instance, but stampede to buy the "mass murderer" line of stamps, which will feature, among others, Jeffrey Dahmer, Charlie Manson, Saddam Hussein, Ollie North, and the Unknown Postal Worker.

Rob Clayton

>> The strangest new political movement will be that of the Liberal Superpatriots. They'll make the controversial assertion that paying taxes is the greatest patriotic duty one can exercise, more even than serving in the military.

>> The bestselling self-help book of 1999 will be The Zen of Temper Tantrums.

Rob Brezsny’s Real Astrology column will appear in the Voice starting January 20. In the meantime, his cosmic insights can be found at

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