Austin’s roommate, Ian Hartman, reveals that bedding down-low Guidos is “never going to happen if they’re with their friends. When they’re in a group, they have their straight role on. You need to break them off from the pack.” He also lets potential tricks know his discretion is assured: “That’s all they’re looking for, really. Convenience and discretion. If you’re too gay, they run the other way, but a guy with a place is primary. It’s better than doing it in a car.”

Or in a video store. On a Saturday night in April, Austin and I venture to a downtown Tom’s River strip mall, where an adult video store is nestled between a pizza joint and a liquor store, although its neon “Peek-a-View” sign is hardly subtle. But who uses the front door? Austin pulls around to an isolated dirt lot. It’s almost the “Golden Hour,” after Seaside’s big clubs like Bamboo and Karma close. After last call, all the single ladies exit the clubs in packs, upping the already disproportionate boy-girl ratio. “A lot of guys are standing around with their dicks in their hands,” says Austin. “Some of them come to the Peek-a-View.”

Yes, they do. He winds through the dark, sleazy warren of video machines to the front where tokens are purchased. A dozen guys have already assembled, some fitting the low-slung baseball-cap formula. Austin points out a glory hole. According to Hartman, two Guido types frequent the Peek-a-View: “A lot of them are just looking to get blown. If they get fucked, they’re gay, so they keep it on a blowjob level. That’s the younger guys. Having a little orgy is nothing: ‘It was dark’—blame the alcohol. I’m not his guy, but if he wants to get fucked, I can sniff that a mile away.”

Peek-a-View’s front room is carpeted in worn faux-leopard skin. A big-haired, teenage Guidette presides over the register. Her incessant telephone dramas provide a whiny soundtrack to the furtive backroom hookups.

Above her, a black sign in DayGlo-pink advertises a sale on Jersey Shore XXX, a straight porn parody. (Inevitably, there’s a gay porn version as well: Jersey Score, starring “The Stimulation” and “Pauly G.”) Austin grabs the Jersey Shore XXX video, scanning its back cover.

The girls are dead ringers, but the guys aren’t nearly as hot: “Not to worry,” Austin smiles. “They’ll be here soon enough.”

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